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Review:mirasoul says:
Hi! Mirasoul here from the forums, with your requested review.

This was a good piece of angst. Pertaining to plot, I found it incredibly intriguing, especially the very end. I had no clue he was going to kill himself; you sprung it on me, and it had the effect I think you were going for: shock, sadness, disbelief. I was jolted; that part was very well done. It flows as well; the story line is easy to follow and kept me interested throughout. In regards to emotional intensity, I did feel it a bit lacking. You make a great emotional connection with Draco--as I said, I was stunned and saddened by the revelation that he was about to kill himself--but I wasn't able to sympathize with the death of the girl because I don't know much about her. You give little snippets that give the audience a bit of information--they've known each other since they were children and she led him away from the dark side--but not enough to make her into an actual human being. I feel a bit like she's the third cousin, twice removed on my dad's side that I've never met yet I still have to go to the funeral. Maybe you can add in more snapshots that tell more about her, or even just describe her a bit more? That way we're able to feel Draco's pain of losing her along with him and be able to understand why he's taking such drastic measures.

Draco's characterisation is hard to comment upon because this is an AU story, so he can't really be similar to the Draco in the books, but as I said because, I think you did really great in making him someone the reader can feel for. I will say, though, that if you are staying loyal to his character in the first few books, I'm not sure if Lucius would beat him, seeing as he's more than a bit of a spoiled brat and runs to Daddy for every little thing. It would also make more sense with Draco's anger at Rodolphus for murdering his father.

Overall, however, I thought this was intense, and I liked it. Sorry if I come off as harsh at any point; I'm just rather blunt and don't like to sugarcoat when I review. I hope this helps! :)

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading and reviewing. Apologies for the delay in replying!

I am glad you found this a good piece of angst and the desired effect came through. I am sorry if you couldn't connect with Catherine - she was more of a symbol than a developed character - but I'll see what I can do. Thanks for your advice!

I am pleased that you were able to feel for Draco as that was what I was aiming for. Thanks for your suggestions, I'll take them into consideration when/if I edit.

You were not harsh at all. I will take all your comments into consideration upon editing. I am glad that over all you found it intense and liked this. Thanks!



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