REMUS/TONKS! YES, YES, YES! :D Ahem... sorry about that. It's just that I love Remus and Tonks and think they're adorably tragic, and yet never seem to be able to find anything to read about them... shame... anyway...
Tonks. Is. Perfect. The way you've done her voice is just so good. She sounds pretty young, enthusiastic, a bit like she tries too hard at certain things, somewhat inexperienced, funny and bubbly - all of which is exactly how she is in the books. Seriously - you've done so well with her. I love how you mentioned her connection to the Blacks, etc. and her mother's family, as well as her parents and everything. You managed to slide it all in very neatly, without going through it one-by-one or something, which meant it came across really naturally, rather than just dumping the information down.
Gah... I'm so excited to see what happens! You said about falling down in the summary and she's already fallen over here... hm... I'm really curious as to how you're going to portray their romance. Does it happen quickly or slowly? When does Remus feel guilty about it? How does she fall so fast? What do her parents think about it? Do her parents meet Sirius again? What will their wedding (yes, I'm thinking very far ahead...) be like? SO MANY QUESTIONS.
You've done really well with all the Order members as well - particularly Sirius and Remus, though they were the two we saw most of, so that's only really to be expected. I like how there's a sort of sense of awkward, let's-catch-up kinda thing between her and Sirius (I mean, what do you say to a relative who was wrongfully convicted of being a mass-murderer for thirteen years?). And Dumbledore's twinkling away in the background... seems legit ;)
I did pick up on a couple of things, though. You seem to have a few problems with commas (I'm hopeless with them, so don't worry about it, and it's an easily fixed problem). I know Arithmancy_Wiz has written a blog about grammar which you might like to check out and there might be some topics on it in the Writer's Resources sections. If not, ask your beta to focus on that ;) Also, I noticed that a few times you slipped in between present and past tenses... it was a little confusing, but again it's easy enough to fix - if you read it through again I'm pretty sure you'll catch it (try reading out loud - it sounds stupid, but it makes things like that a lot more obvious, even if you feel like an idiot).
So... that's it, really! Great pace, great plot, greatgreatgreat characterisation, I'm really looking forward to seeing where you go with this in future... how you tie in all the canon events, etc.
Author's Response: Haha it's fine I feel the same way, I guess that's why I decided to write this as there's so few stories about them!
Aw! I'm so glad that you liked Tonks, as I always loved her in the books, so I really wanted to stay true to her character, as it's just so fun. I love this Tonks as she's so fun loving, and mad, and it's sad to see her at the end of DH, and see how much she's changed:(
I'm glad that you liked the mentions of the Blacks, as I felt that I had to include them, and I was a little unsure if I mentioned them too much, so I'm glad that you liked it!
Haha I guess I can answer a few of them, without giving the story away! I wanted to tie in how she met Tonks to her clumsiness, as that's such a key trait of hers, and it just seemed approriate ;D Her parents will probably meet Sirius! As for the others I still haven't decided either! I can't wait for the wedding scene, as I love these two, so I want to do them proud!
I'm glad that you liked the Order members, as that was the bit I was most unsure of. Yes it was kind of awkward between her and Sirius, but I do want them to be friends eventually, as they're so similar! N'aw Dumbledore he's just a legend!
Commas are the bane of my life. I loathe them, and not many how many times I proofread they still give me nightmares! I will sort them out...eventually! Oops me and my tenses aren't the best of friends either, and I'll check them out;D I do try and read it aloud, but my family always seem to think I'm talking to myself when I do!
Thank you for this wonderful review, and I hope that you like the rest of the story ;D