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Review:Aphoride says:
Hey there - just popped over from the review battle (incidentally, welcome to the forums/archives and Ravenclaw, of course, since I don't think I've said that before ;D).

I have to say, first off, that reading this is slightly nostalgic for me, since the first fanfic I ever really wrote was a long-since-deleted story on another site about Scorpius Malfoy's older sister (who actually went to Durmstrang, shock of shocks) and ended up dating James Poter II. So yeah, it's kinda odd in a nostalgic, this-seems-somewhat-familiar way.

I really like the way you're using first person voice to do this. It's really allowing us to get to know Laila and her voice - the way she thinks, what she thinks, how she works, her personality, etc. Also, Laila herself seems like a good character. Although we haven't seen too much of her in this chapter, she seems fairly solid and pretty well thought-out, though I have to warn you away from making her too 'quirky'. OCs are nearly always quirky, you know - and she grew up with Draco, so that's not necessarily going to have been a bundle of laughs. Just something to keep an eye on, maybe ;)

I think it's really interesting the way that, while you've mentioned Scorpius and Al so far, you haven't mentioned any other friends (she must have some people who she talks to on occasion, right?) or her parents - in terms of what her relationship is with each of them. Particularly her parents, tbh. I'm really curious as to how the fact that her mother isn't Astoria, but she clearly lives with the family works out - it's going to make for a pretty interesting family dynamic behind the scenes, and probably quite a bit of angst, I imagine.

The one thing I would say is that, while you definitely leave us with a lot of questions after this (what is she going to do? How is this year going to be different from others? What's going to happen? How does James come into it?), you might want to give us a few more hints about what's to come. Yeah, we know she gets with James, but anything more than that? Does she take up Quidditch, get in trouble, become a prefect? Just coz I'm not too sure what's really going to happen - there's not that many hints, other than what's in the summary.

Also, maybe you could explain a bit more about how everything thinks she's such a Malfoy? Coz you said she doesn't look like one, she's only Scorpius' half-sister, she's in Gryffindor, friends with Al... I'm not really quite sure where that's coming from, tbh, and if you include mention of maybe people gossiping about who her mother is, why she looks so different, assuming that she's snobby because she doesn't want to talk to them or whatever, it would make that a little clearer.

Still, this looks like a really fun story. I like Laila's character and how she's not the typical OC or Malfoy's daughter, and I'm pretty interested in seeing where you take her from here... what exactly happens? How does she get with James? Where do Al and Scorpius come into it? Who's her mother? You've left a lot of questions in this... ;)

Aph xx

p.s. I hope I wasn't too harsh with what I said - I really didn't mean to be. I always try to give constructive criticism and review the way I would like to be reviewed (and offer suggestions and advice and stuff, you know), so I hope I was helpful - in some small way, at least :)

Author's Response: Hello! (and thank you)

Wow, was it really? I think I'll check it out later ;)

As for Laila, I will try not to make her too quirky. If you read farther on, you learn more about her character and who she is as a person :) (hopefully this answers your next question as well?)

Because this was the Prolouge, I didn't feel the need to get into to many details. I wanted the reader to learn these things about her as the story went on. Same thing goes for the mum thing. They way press perceives her will actually play a big part in the plot later on ;)

Thanks so much for the review and you were not harsh at all!!

-Sankavi ^_^


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