Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:CambAngst says:
It's review battle time! Let's get it on!

So a small thought on Lexi's dad's appearance. I thought maybe you should have given us just a little more of a hint that he popped up unexpectedly. Maybe tweak Al's reaction so that he's more along the lines of, "hey, where did he come from???"

That aside, I loved the whole breakfast scene. Poor Theo has to get his jabs in where he can, because the poor guy is hopelessly outgunned from all sides, it seems. Betting with Ginny has never been a productive use of anybody's time or money, because even when she loses she finds a way to get back at you. And Lexi plainly has the poor man's number. If I was Al, I would have gotten the heck out of there, too.

So before I say another word about the next section of the chapter, there's this:

I groan; I may hate playing Quidditch, but watching it is admittedly not so bad. - You... You... You've committed Albus Potter head canon heresy!!! Seriously, this is the first story I have ever, ever read where Al doesn't like playing Quidditch. Dominique as a guy I can get used to. Gay Hugo will work just fine. But Al not playing Quidditch... Congratuations, you have genuinely challenged me to wrap my head around something. ;)

Oh, and I loved this little line: Dakota is a unisex name, I'll have you know. Like Dominique. Getting tired of reviewers poking you about him? :p

I like that Lexi and Albus are sort of easing into this whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing. Nobody's falling all over anybody else or professing everlasting love. The pacing feels very natural. They're still feeling the situation out.

Bringing the press into the equation was a completely realistic touch. It's hard to have a Next Gen story without the notoriety of their parents intruding. But I like that you've given them some notoriety of their own. And I have to imagine this Jessica person is going to complicate matters somewhere along the way.

Al's aside on the financial situations and teachings of their two families added a nice bit of color to Al and Lexi's picture. You know the reasons why I have trouble imagining Theo Nott as a hardworking, upstanding member of society, but you're definitely selling me on him. I like the idea that it wasn't just muggle-borns and goblins who were forced into hiding during the war. Pure bloods who defied the Dark Lord must have had an even larger bulls-eye on their backs, because he didn't tolerate that sort of disloyalty. I also think it's great that all of these kids are equipped to fend for themselves without their parents' money.

Did you look where you were going when you drove straight into crazy town? - Ha! Good on Lexi, calling Al out on this strange anxiety he has about their whole situation. Seriously, he needs to pull himself together.

The next door neighbors seemed like a good element to add to the story. They're exactly the sort of happy, suburban family that Al would like to become and Lexi... well, it sounds like it was growing on her by the end. The kids sounded really cute. Al and Lexi could definitely get a bit of practice in before they have to deal with things first-hand.

Oh, my. I guess I was right about Jessica. You certainly know how to keep things interesting!

I noticed a couple of small typos that you might want to take another look at:

I have to remind myself that she doesn't know what she want to do yet, so she doesn't have a job - what she wants to do

"Just over five months," she answers politely. "Al says you have to kids, how old are they?" - two kids

I thought you did a great job with this. It covered a bit of ground and did a nice job building on what Al and Lexi started in the last chapter.

I will be back soon!

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Submit Report:  





All stories remain the property of their authors and must not be copied in any form without their consent. This is an unofficial, not for profit site, and is in no way connected with J.K. Rowling, Scholastic Books or Bloomsbury Publishing or Warner Bros. It is not endorsed by any of the aforementioned parties. Rights to characters and their images is neither claimed nor implied. The use of photographs and/or the likeness of any person contained herein does not imply endorsement of any kind. Any depictions were obtained through publically available sources and therefore fall under fair use. Although we may provide links to other websites, we are not responsible for any material at these sites. You acknowledge that you link to these other websites at your own risk. All original administrative content is copyright of the site owner and must not be copied in any form (electronic or otherwise) without the prior consent of the siteowner. ©2000-2012 Fanfictionworld.net

[terms of service] [report abuse] [privacy policy] [site credits]
 
 

navigation

home

search HPFF
read stories
write stories
login/register
get help
site links
forums
podcasts
Terms of Service
Site Rules
contact us

  
 
 

categories & genres

Genre:
- crossover
- drama
- fluff
- general
- horror/dark
- humor
- mystery
- romance
- action/adventure
- angst
- au
- young adult

Popular Pairings:
- harry/ginny
- ron/hermione
- james/lily
- draco/hermione
- more...

Format:
- one-shot
- short story
- novella
- novel
- short story collection
- songfic

  
 
 

quick links

my account
ToS
random story
site rules
help
merchandise


  
 
 

fanfictionworld.net