Hi mídear! Thank you for your lovely review on Sweet Dreams ♥
Obviously because of the summary we know where this is going, and I have to say how impressed I am with you. SO many people jump right to the terribly sad part of the story. They do a one shot about what the person feels being told they have cancer, or a one shot about their last few weeks alive. Youíve started at the beginning of it all, and I think thatís such an amazing choice.
Cancer is rarely just the disease. Itís not just being in hospital, being sick and scared and angry, but itís about the people. Youíve giving Alice a life. Youíre letting us see who she is, giving her a life and friends. That makes all the difference to me, because thatís really whatís going to crush her when her disease comes to head. It isnít going to be the words Ďyou have cancerí that keep her up crying, itís going to be the thoughts of her family. Sheís going to think about how just weeks ago she was shopping for school supplies, and now sheís laying in a bed waiting to have her body injected with poison to hopefully kill the other poison before it kills her.
Donít get me wrong, being told that has to be terrifying. But knowing that someone has a life before it all happens and getting to know who they are is really what makes something heartbreaking. Iím so happy that youíre starting from this point. I also think you made such an awesome decision to have it be a Ďnormalí sort of day after the hospital.
The only real suggestion I have for this is during the Healer appointment. I think all the feelings you had were exactly right. And the way you had her thinking how stupid she sounded! Oh my god that was perfect. I canít even believe how easy it is to say something stupid at the Doctorís office. Youíre nervous, theyíre talking, you want to make it not awkward and fill the silence, you make stupid jokes... yeah. That was just something so small of a detail, but it went a really long way in terms of making Alice super relatable.
But! The suggestion I have is for when the Healer suggests that she sees someone in their Muggle ward. I think thatís an awesome suggestion, because itís really realistic that you would need someone trained in muggle medicine to treat it. But I think that it would have been more realistic for the Healer to lay out her options better. She has a condition that he has no idea what it is. It could be as simple as as trained muscle or as sever as, well what she will have. With that being said, most doctors will never risk their license by telling a patient to wait and get it checked out. Iím sure that healers would be the same. If the person were to die before getting their appointment, itís pretty likely the family will sue the doctor for malpractice for suggestion the patient wait. Again, this is all RL muggle stuff, but I canít imagine it being much different for Healers. My suggestion for this part, so that you can still get her to where you want (going to the muggle ward in a few weeks) is that the Healer tells her her options, tells her that he is unsure whatís going on, and she may want to try and see a muggle Doctor immediately or wait until their Muggle floor is completed in a few weeks. Iíd even say he should push them toward seeing a Muggle doctor immediately then following up with the St. Mungoís muggle ward, but warn them it may be tricky to be honest with a muggle doctor because she is a witch. Then Alice can decide that sheíd be a lot more comfortable just waiting for the ward to be complete so youíd still end up right where you want to be.
Unless a plot point is for the Longbottomís to sue the Healer... then ignore all of this :P haha!
Obviously all that was a personal opinion suggestion, it was just something that stood out as a little bit unrealistic. And the rest of this chapter is so insanely realistic that I decided Iíd comment on it in case you ever did want to edit :)
I really love how Aliceís siblings tease are about Albus. When she got so defense, I guessed that she liked him! And then I was right! Go Jami! But still, I feel so bad for her that sheís hurting so much over him without anyone even knowing it :(. In my happily ever after world, heíll be with her so much through all this, sheíll live, then theyíll get married and live happily ever after! hehe!
This is such an awesome start Amanda. I really hope youíll PM me when your second chapter is added! Iím so excited Iíve found this, and really anxious to continue. Thatís a subtle hint to get chapter two finished, by the way. :P.
Author's Response: Hey! No problem, it was lovely (:
Aw thank you! Yeah, I definitely wanted to show it from the beginning! I think my experiences in this type of thing will really help me be able to portray it and show people what it's really like to find out you have a deadly disease.
Ah, you've got it exactly right! I couldn't have said it better myself! The thing running through my mind most of the time was how I would have felt if it was my sister dying instead of me. I think that's one of the hardest things and I'm just really happy you picked up on those :)
Gah, thank you! I knew I needed to fix something about that whole scene but I really didn't know how to do it! That definitely helps a lot and I will fix it ASAP. thanks for your help :)
Haha don't worry I will definitely PM you when chapter two is up! thank you sooo much for reading and reviewing this! I'm so glad you like it (: