Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:Jchrissy says:
Hi m’dear! Thank you for your lovely review on Sweet Dreams ♥

Obviously because of the summary we know where this is going, and I have to say how impressed I am with you. SO many people jump right to the terribly sad part of the story. They do a one shot about what the person feels being told they have cancer, or a one shot about their last few weeks alive. You’ve started at the beginning of it all, and I think that’s such an amazing choice.

Cancer is rarely just the disease. It’s not just being in hospital, being sick and scared and angry, but it’s about the people. You’ve giving Alice a life. You’re letting us see who she is, giving her a life and friends. That makes all the difference to me, because that’s really what’s going to crush her when her disease comes to head. It isn’t going to be the words ‘you have cancer’ that keep her up crying, it’s going to be the thoughts of her family. She’s going to think about how just weeks ago she was shopping for school supplies, and now she’s laying in a bed waiting to have her body injected with poison to hopefully kill the other poison before it kills her.

Don’t get me wrong, being told that has to be terrifying. But knowing that someone has a life before it all happens and getting to know who they are is really what makes something heartbreaking. I’m so happy that you’re starting from this point. I also think you made such an awesome decision to have it be a ‘normal’ sort of day after the hospital.

The only real suggestion I have for this is during the Healer appointment. I think all the feelings you had were exactly right. And the way you had her thinking how stupid she sounded! Oh my god that was perfect. I can’t even believe how easy it is to say something stupid at the Doctor’s office. You’re nervous, they’re talking, you want to make it not awkward and fill the silence, you make stupid jokes... yeah. That was just something so small of a detail, but it went a really long way in terms of making Alice super relatable.

But! The suggestion I have is for when the Healer suggests that she sees someone in their Muggle ward. I think that’s an awesome suggestion, because it’s really realistic that you would need someone trained in muggle medicine to treat it. But I think that it would have been more realistic for the Healer to lay out her options better. She has a condition that he has no idea what it is. It could be as simple as as trained muscle or as sever as, well what she will have. With that being said, most doctors will never risk their license by telling a patient to wait and get it checked out. I’m sure that healers would be the same. If the person were to die before getting their appointment, it’s pretty likely the family will sue the doctor for malpractice for suggestion the patient wait. Again, this is all RL muggle stuff, but I can’t imagine it being much different for Healers. My suggestion for this part, so that you can still get her to where you want (going to the muggle ward in a few weeks) is that the Healer tells her her options, tells her that he is unsure what’s going on, and she may want to try and see a muggle Doctor immediately or wait until their Muggle floor is completed in a few weeks. I’d even say he should push them toward seeing a Muggle doctor immediately then following up with the St. Mungo’s muggle ward, but warn them it may be tricky to be honest with a muggle doctor because she is a witch. Then Alice can decide that she’d be a lot more comfortable just waiting for the ward to be complete so you’d still end up right where you want to be.

Unless a plot point is for the Longbottom’s to sue the Healer... then ignore all of this :P haha!

Obviously all that was a personal opinion suggestion, it was just something that stood out as a little bit unrealistic. And the rest of this chapter is so insanely realistic that I decided I’d comment on it in case you ever did want to edit :)

I really love how Alice’s siblings tease are about Albus. When she got so defense, I guessed that she liked him! And then I was right! Go Jami! But still, I feel so bad for her that she’s hurting so much over him without anyone even knowing it :(. In my happily ever after world, he’ll be with her so much through all this, she’ll live, then they’ll get married and live happily ever after! hehe!

This is such an awesome start Amanda. I really hope you’ll PM me when your second chapter is added! I’m so excited I’ve found this, and really anxious to continue. That’s a subtle hint to get chapter two finished, by the way. :P.

Author's Response: Hey! No problem, it was lovely (:

Aw thank you! Yeah, I definitely wanted to show it from the beginning! I think my experiences in this type of thing will really help me be able to portray it and show people what it's really like to find out you have a deadly disease.

Ah, you've got it exactly right! I couldn't have said it better myself! The thing running through my mind most of the time was how I would have felt if it was my sister dying instead of me. I think that's one of the hardest things and I'm just really happy you picked up on those :)

Gah, thank you! I knew I needed to fix something about that whole scene but I really didn't know how to do it! That definitely helps a lot and I will fix it ASAP. thanks for your help :)

Haha don't worry I will definitely PM you when chapter two is up! thank you sooo much for reading and reviewing this! I'm so glad you like it (:

-Amanda

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Submit Report:  





All stories remain the property of their authors and must not be copied in any form without their consent. This is an unofficial, not for profit site, and is in no way connected with J.K. Rowling, Scholastic Books or Bloomsbury Publishing or Warner Bros. It is not endorsed by any of the aforementioned parties. Rights to characters and their images is neither claimed nor implied. The use of photographs and/or the likeness of any person contained herein does not imply endorsement of any kind. Any depictions were obtained through publically available sources and therefore fall under fair use. Although we may provide links to other websites, we are not responsible for any material at these sites. You acknowledge that you link to these other websites at your own risk. All original administrative content is copyright of the site owner and must not be copied in any form (electronic or otherwise) without the prior consent of the siteowner. ©2000-2012 Fanfictionworld.net

[terms of service] [report abuse] [privacy policy] [site credits]
 
 

navigation

home

search HPFF
read stories
write stories
login/register
get help
site links
forums
podcasts
Terms of Service
Site Rules
contact us

  
 
 

categories & genres

Genre:
- crossover
- drama
- fluff
- general
- horror/dark
- humor
- mystery
- romance
- action/adventure
- angst
- au
- young adult

Popular Pairings:
- harry/ginny
- ron/hermione
- james/lily
- draco/hermione
- more...

Format:
- one-shot
- short story
- novella
- novel
- short story collection
- songfic

  
 
 

quick links

my account
ToS
random story
site rules
help
merchandise


  
 
 

fanfictionworld.net