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Review:CloakAuror9 says:
Whoa. That was a bit intense! I wasn't expecting any of that, especially her being pregnant. That...whoa, that rattled me a bit.

I found Emylina's character portrayal as quite deceiving throughout the story. Since at the start, I had no clue what on Earth was happening and why she was tied up like that, I didn't really feel all that bad to her since I thought she had really done something terrible. I thought maybe that she deserved getting the cruciatus curse, but as I read the rest of the chapter I just felt so horrible for her! My gosh, she did not deserve not Mr. Emylina's Father! That is so unfair to her and just so cruel of him. I'm so glad James came into view before she completely lost consciousness or something worse happened to her.

I thought the story was good in terms of an overall idea and I especially love the unique idea of having them be almost isolated from the rest of the Wizarding World. Emylina's family did seem very much like a the rulers of their village.

I did pick up on a few things while I was reading the story though and I thought I might mention them as they did they away a bit from the story. For a start, I found your story a little bit too fast-paced. It might just be because of the character being in great distress, as anyone else would be if they were tied up to a metal bar, but I felt like I wasn't given enough time to absorb what I had read until the end. Another one is that when it came to the whole Crucio experience, I felt that Emylina's pain was a bit distant. I think you were focusing too hard on describing the sensation of the pain, so maybe you should read back and see if you can do anything to make it flow much easier. And finally, it irked me how the phrase 'the man' was repeatedly used to name James, so much so that it was beginning to feel like James was an inanimate object. So yeah, that's it, you don't have to change anything and they were really just suggestions, I hope I didn't offend you in any way -I only meant to help. Though, I do apologise if I said anything that hurt your feelings.

Overall, I enjoyed reading the story and I'm definitely going to come back to check out the next chapter! For now, great job with the story! Keep up the great job! ♥


Author's Response: Hey Izzy! Im glad you reviewed =)

Sorry for the fast paced. It was just the prologue so it seemed better for the story to move along so I could get it where I want it to be :P

Im glad you liked it though! I'll try to add more emotion to Emy going through the Crucio :D It doesn affect her later but we see that in other chapters.

Glad you liked it and thanks for the review!

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