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Review:fauxthefox says:

This relationship is so real that it made me cry because it reminds me of my own. I'm not even that sure what to say other than wow, but I'll do my best.

Astoria is a great character. Although the whole "I'm sexy and I know it," she's definitely flawed in the way that she makes generalizations about people, so I'm not really getting any Mary Sue vibes. And Draco seems to be nicely in canon. :) Great descriptions, great dialogue.

I think that the one thing you could do to improve the chapter would be to have Astoria come to a sort of catharsis where she realizes that the reason she has to, has to, HAS TO leave is that Draco's still in love with her sister. You started off the chapter with her being sort of huff about Draco not wanting her to smoke. I think it would be great if for most of the chapter, she's rationalizing wanting to leave him because she doesn't like him trying to make her act like a lady - and then at the end, she realizes that it's a lot deeper than that, that she knows he loves Daphne even though she's been trying to hide it from herself.

Really wonderful job. :)

Author's Response: Hi m'dear! Thank you so much for this awesome review! I actually saw that you reviewed it from your post in the Gryffindor common room :P!

I love your suggestion! Honestly, I probably won't end up ever editing this piece. It's one of my first, and it's nice to sort of compare the older and newer pieces and see what areas I've strengthened. That being said, I do think your suggestion was awesome! And if I ever do decide to edit it, I'll absolutely credit you!

Thank you again for stopping by ♥

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