Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:patronus_charm says:
Hello there, itís Kiana from team blue!

I really liked the beginning of this, as it was just perfect, and made me laugh so much. The way James called Lily petal, and her reaction to it, then Sirius chipping in, seemed in character, and humorous!

Your characterisation was really good, and it all seemed very fitting. The only thing is, correct me if Iím wrong, I didnít happen to see the mention to what year theyíre in, and that threw me a little, as I didnít really know what to expect from them.

I liked the little details you put into it, such as the edition of the nimbus broom, and Lily being able to make a hardened criminal in Azkaban quake in his boots, as thatís what Sirius later turned into, so that was a good use of foreshadowing.

I would perhaps suggest that you reviewed your spacing, sometimes it seemed as if each new sentence was indented, and that got a little distracting at times, as it made me pause in my head, so if you just got rid of those gaps, it should be fine.

Other than that, I thought this was a fun one-shot, and the characterisation was great!

Kiana!

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 843
Submit Report: