|Review:||Bobby Dazzler says:|
Hi Sankavi, here for the BvB battle :)
So, this is your first fanfic? Welcome to the wonderful world of fanfic, you'll never leave now - not never want to leave, you will at some point, but its harder than it looks. Trust me, I've been doing it for nearly 10 years now lol. So, wishing you all the best and many, many fun times writing and many, many late night coffee induced insomniac sessions that are more fun than what they sound - they do happen. A lot.
Now, onto the story. First of all, you should remove that huge AN - I actually don't know how it got approved as it does kinda violate the ToS, so you should delete it before a validator comes across it and could potentially remove your chapter!!! Your first little AN is fine, but all the edits and snippets etc, they really do need to go :S
Now, onto Laila. She is obviously your OC, you've done a little bit to show us her character so far in terms of looks, history, likes and fears. You've done a good job telling us that so far in such a small first chapter. I'm looking forward to watching her character develop in the following chapters. I will admit though, I am not entirely sold on the mysterious sister/brother plot (as I said, I've been doing this a LONG time, I've seen it done many, many times before lol), so I'm hoping you can breathe some fresh air into a very overused plot bunny and give it your own unique spin. Wishing you luck! :)
Mysterious mother eh? That part confuses me, as obviously Draco knows she's his daughter, but therefore so would Astoria and Scorpius, but as for the rest of the wizarding world? Do they know that Laila isn't his, or are they under the assumption that Astoria is in fact her "mother"? Interesting to find out.
Would love to see a little more description find its way into your writing, just to build up the foundation for your plot and drag us readers more into your world. I will just say I am crossing my fingers and toes for you that you avoid turning your character into a Sue, as just from the generalized plot alone, this plotline does have the tendancy to breed them a lot. I hope you're one of the lucky few who avoid that fate :)
Keep up the good work, and enjoy your time writing fanfic, have fun! :) Bobby xx
Author's Response: Hi!
This is the first fanfic I've written, but I've been part of the hpff world for a good 8 years now :)
I've removed the edits, sorry about that!
Okay, so Laila IS Draco's daughter but is NOT related by blood to Astoria. Of course, after living pretty much her entire life with them, Astoria has become her mum to her. As for the press, they are under the assumption that Astoria is her mum and the thought of Laila having a different never even crossed their mind :)
It's funny because I'd never thought the whole mum deal would turn out so mysterious! The mum part was never a pivitol role in the plot in my head so it was strange to see everyone react to it in that way.
Thanks so much for the review. The crit helps alot!!