Yay for the Jane Austen reference! And I wholeheartedly agree -- her books are superb!
It was nice to see you not depict Rose as being very close with James. I think there is a tendency in next-gen to make all of the cousins be the best of friends. That's probably not very realistic, so that was a really nice touch.
Wow, I was so surprised by the end of the first memory! I thought it was going to show the two breaking up for good, but instead it just deepens the mystery of what happened to drive Rose and Scorpius apart. Clearly they have a lot of unfinished business to deal with.
I really liked the physical descriptions you included in the garden and how you tied it back into the memories of the last generation. I particularly liked the line, "I can hear some birds tweeting in the trees, and for once we're getting a summer in England, so I can feel the sun's rays warm my body." Sometimes there is a tendency to only focus on what a characters sees, so it was great to see you invoke some of the other five senses. However, you did slip into present tense here in this scene, while the previous scenes were in past tense, so you might want to give that another look over.
Ahhh... so now we know the reason for the break-up. But really, it wasn't just about the job. Like Rose said, things hadn't been going well for months. It's not uncommon for couples to think getting married will solve their problems. Seems like Rose was trying to be practical, even if her heart is telling her something otherwise.
The story is still a little tough to read in spots because of the sentence structure/comma issue. A beta might be able to help you smooth those out if you're interested in having one. But you're doing a really great job with your characters and it will be really interesting to see Rose and Scorpius when they finally come face-to-face again.
I'm glad I had the chance to stop by again for the review battle. Good luck with the next chapter!
Author's Response: Hello there!
Haha yeah I couldn't help myself, when I threw in that little reference, as her books are so good ;D
That's one of the things which has annoyed me most about next gen stories, as me and siblings don't always get along well, so I can't really see how people think that everyone can get along with all their family members, so I'm glad that you liked that!
I'm glad that you liked the first memory, as I wanted to include it to show, that their break up wasn't that easy, and it had a lot of issues surrounding it!
I'm glad that you liked my description of the garden, I was just thinking back to the last wedding which was there, and stole some of JK's insipiration in how to describe it. I'll look over that present tense, I just wanted to get the chapter up, as I hadn't put a new one up in a while, and it didn't get a great proof read.
Yes, I don't think Rose could have gone ahead with the marriage, as she knew there were problems there, and getting married wouldn't just make them disappear.
I'll review the comma/sentence structure issues as well :)
Thank you for stopping by, and leaving a great review!