|Review:||Bobby Dazzler says:|
"He wishes that death had seized him the way it was supposed to, and had not grasped her instead." - Very powerful, commanding line that. Definitely my pick of this story, nice work.
So anyway, here to give you your review you requested while bubba girl is asleep (or meant to be!) :)
Right first things first. PLOT.
I didn't mind the plot in this, you hinted at Draco's dad being abusive, something that I honestly haven't seen in many newer stories lately (It was a really popular plot bunny back in the day when I first started writing, nearly 10 years ago, eeip!) and so that did surprise me, just because I haven't seen it done lately.
As for the rest of the plot, I liked the idea of Draco being filled with so much remorse over Catherine's death that he'd be feeling so depressed and capable of ending his own life, but I think that the relationship between Draco and Catherine could've been developed more than what it was. Like how they originally met, eventually fell in love and would die for one another. I know you hinted back to their earlier years, but there's still a lot to be left to interpretation as to what happened in between.
Because there wasn't as much backstory of their friendship becomming a romance, I am left questioning why Draco would be willing to risk his own life (given his canon self is so self centred and cowardly) to try and save anothers, and then eventually take his own. So, I do like the plot, but it could be developed a little more, just to fill in the gaps.
CHARACTERISATION: Again, kind of already mentioned tihs before in the plot side of things. I think you kept some aspects of Draco's persona correct and others could've been developed more to account for the situation he was now in with Catherine, to show the reader how they got together and how he fell in love. Also, given Catherine is an OC, it would've been nice to know more about her character too, aside from the fact she died. There was one conversation they had talking about going to the Order for help that I did find a little OC for Draco. I know he would've been scared and frightened, and wanted to do the right thing by Catherine, but just how it was worded - it sounded stilted and too mature for frightened teens.
Also, the inclusion of Rodolphus Lestrange was both confusing and different - I was anticipating Voldemort. But given the fact that you didn't introduce Lestrange before then or hint at his involvement before it happened, readers were kind of blind sighted by it in a way..
FLOW & READER ENJOYMENT.
Overall, I thought it flowed nicely, could be improved here and there by expanding on those things I mentioned before about character development and building on some plot foundations, but otherwise it was a nice one shot of Draco unable to deal with the most heartbreaking thing he's ever undured and deceided to end his life as a result. A morbid happy ending, I suppose lol. Nice work and hope this helped in some way, until next time! :) Bobby xx
Author's Response: Hey! Thanks so much for reading and reviewing. I apologize for the delay in responding!
Yeah, Lucius being abusive was a popular plot years ago, so I decided to bring it back in fashion xP
I am glad you liked Draco's remorse and such. I didn't develop their backstory much because I wanted Catherine to be more of a symbol than a properly developed character, so I left a lot to imagination. I think that the impact would have been less if I had focused on the background details. I'll consider developing the plot further though, maybe in the future - so thanks for your comments - but as of now I'll let it be as it is.
I'll try and go back to edit the conversation about the Order, to make it seem more like frightened teens. Thanks for the tip.
I just thought I'd include a random death eater, then I just sort of gave Rudolphus' name to it. I'll see what can be done further about that.
I am pleased you found this nice overall. It did help, yes. Thanks!