|Review:||Athene Goodstrength says:|
Ooh, now that first line! Itís so good, because it instantly made me ask, Ďso, who is this? A visitor or a prisoner?í. And in fact, that question remains unanswered for longer than I thought, because itís possible that it could have been her father in Azkaban. I do love a bit of intrigue, so the first couple of lines really pulled me in straight away.
Personally, I found this story so tragic. She may have felt a moment of wanting to kill him - fury and fear do that, itís animal and instinctive - but I really think she didnít mean to. She just wanted him to be away from her, to not be drunk any more, to stop hurting her emotionally (I donít know how much anything physical is implied here, and really the emotional exhaustion of dealing with an alcoholic loved one is torture enough).
It's also tragic, I think, in terms of her father's life. You mention his schoolbooks, which made me think of a young man at Hogwarts, with his whole life ahead of him. And the drink takes over, and it absolutely does not turn out the way I'm sure he expected. That's sad, even if he was a bad father.
The imagery in this was fantastic, and you took so few words to conjure this scene in my mind. Well done! You also brought all of the senses into this emotional piece of writing, so even though weíre going through something traumatic with Georgia, weíre also aware of the sights and sounds and smells of the world around her. And the sea spray, too. I liked that image. The bottle tapping up the banister was eerier and more menacing than anything more explicit.
Your use of language is really excellent. ĎRagged yellí was a really interesting turn of phrase, I found it innovative.
And now, Georgiaís anger has nowhere else to turn. No wonder sheís furious. Heís really ruined her life, once and for all.
The one bit of CC I have is that I was a little confused at first, about who the main character was. I always forget to look at the character listings, so didnít realise this was an OC to begin with. The fact that her name was initially given to us as ĎGeorgieí made me wonder if this was a male character, and if it was in fact meant to be George Weasley! I realised quickly that it wasnít, of course.
Other than that, this story is really brilliant. I canít say I enjoyed it, as itís not that sort of story, but itís an excellent and emotive piece, which really struck a chord with me.
You should definitely have a go at writing more dark/horror - I think you have an untapped talent!