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Review:patronus_charm says:
Hello there, I’m here with your requested review!

Can I just say how much your writing has improved from the first chapter. It shows how much you’ve developed, and given that it has developed, I would advise going back to the first chapter, and perhaps bring it up to the standard of the previous ones.

Again I really liked Mikaela’s thoughts, most authors stick to the safe option, but here you’ve made her notice everything, and have rather comical ones as well. It makes such a refreshing change to reading stories, as most people just stick to their characters noticing normal things. Her thoughts did seem deeper in this chapter, and less funny, which was a rather surprising change, so perhaps more reasoning to why they’re reflective would be useful.

I liked that we got to learn something about this Nicholas person, because when Mikaela mentioned him, it made him more 3D, and we actually had some information on him, we just didn’t think of him as the guy she has to marry.

You had a couple of really long paragraphs in this chapter, and they were so big they just looked like a block of words, and that can rather intimidating to the reader, and just make them skim read it, and therefore, lose vital details. I would perhaps cut the size of those, to make easier reading.

Your description was good in this chapter, as it wasn’t that visible in the previous ones, but having it here, meant we could envisage the scene before us, and that helped us a lot, as could a sense of things.

It did feel a little disjointed after the Manor scene, as nothing much seemed to happen, and it was just her thoughts, so perhaps go back and add more dialogue or action.

Kiana!

Author's Response: Omg
I am so glad you like this chapter.
I just want my writing to never stop improving.
This site is really helping me do that.
You will love Nicolas. His character is amazing.
:D
Can't wait to request another of your 'making me feel happy' reviews.
I will be editing these chapters pretty soon.
Thankyou soo much
Em


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