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Review:Pixileanin says:
This was a lot of fun to read!

I have to commend you for capturing the sports atmosphere so well. A lot of times when I'm reading about Quidditch, it's all about the spectators, but here, I got to be a part of the team.

During James' team talk, I really felt the camaraderie that the team had and you showed us how well James knew each of his players. I could tell that they respected his leadership and that he respected them as players.

I thought it was a great choice, having this be James' last game. That way, it wasn't out of place for him to focus on all the little details as he went out on the pitch for his last time. You kept the action fast-paced and to the point, with a lot of building tension. He's so determined to win this game over Slytherin, but it's head-to-head, and then he gets hit with not one, but two bludgers! I like how his last conscious moment is filled with the roar of the crowds as Gryffindor wins. That's likely to keep his head inflated for quite a while!

Then, out of the blue, Lily is there when he wakes up in the Hospital Wing. She's such a worrier while she thinks he's not listening to her. But I like how you didn't let him just lie there and pretend to be asleep for too long. Even when faced with Lily at his bedside, he's still concerned for his team. You really brought out James' nobleness in this, which I like. It also gives him an opportunity to tease her, as well as bluntly state his intentions. I bet she wasn't expecting such sincerity out of him, which makes it a sweet scene.

The little detail about how the boys got his cloak and map for him to sneak out later was an excellent touch. And I liked how you left the ending open for us to wonder if he ever did get a chance to be friends with Lily, or if he would have to wait a little longer for the inevitable. :)

I can't think of anything constructive to add to this lovely little snapshot. I think it did what it was supposed to; it captured a very sweet moment between James and Lily before they got together. Your characterizations were great and the pace went along nicely. I didn't feel any bumps in the narrative either. Wonderfully written!

Author's Response: Hello!

Thank you so much for the review and I'm so so sorry for how long it has taken me to reply!

I'm so so happy you though I wrote the Quidditch match itself well. It was so scary to write and it only ended up getting finished because the idea just would not budge out of my head.

Haha, I like that I got the chance to write a much more mature James here, but I'm sure you're right with him getting a big head with the roar from the crowds. Good old James!

The whole point of the one-shot was to create a moment for the two of them to hopefully start their relationship so I couldn't have him pretend to be asleep for long. I'm glad you liked my decision to do this!

I really missed writing the boys in - I love them so much! That was my little nod to them so to speak seeing as I couldn't actually get them in to the story properly.

Thank you so so much for the lovely review, I really appreciate it!!

Lauren :)


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