|Review:||800 words of heaven says:|
Hello! Here with your requested review!
So, I'm going to assume that because you came back for round three, you don't mind my reviews. I have a tendency to blabber on and sometimes I forget to address the points that you want addressed and then I have to hastily put them along at the end. But here goes!
Oh my goodness, it's a Regulus chapter! I am so excited! I am far too attached to this character after only one chapter for this to be a healthy thing.
I'm not particularly surprised that Regulus' closest friend doesn't seem the type to talk much. It seems to fit Regulus' personality, and probably his appreciation for companionable silence, considering he probably doesn't get much of that at home. I also think it speaks volumes about Cassian that he seemed so unperturbed about the raid on his home. Being a Slytherin, I'm assuming that he's very good at hiding his true feelings, so he might be putting it on, but either way, it makes him quite an interesting character, and one I'd like to learn more about.
First impressions of Slughorn leave me with the same feelings as when I first met him in the books. He's just so oily and manipulative, yet is still friends with Dumbledore; like, how is that even possible? It makes you wonder just how much more manipulative Dumbledore can be!
I like the way you write Slughorn's dialogue. In the films, he's portrayed as a bit of a scared bumbling fool, but he can't be because he's done so well for so long. I get the feeling that he's very careful with his words, and something that strikes me as a little different is that he sounds more formal than what he did in the books. I'm not sure if this is the case just when he talks with Regulus or another Slytherin, because that's the way they communicate, but I think you show a lot about what Slughorn is like through the way he talks.
You know what? I'm going to say this in practically every chapter of yours that you'll ask me to review, but it's something that I really admire in your work. Your descriptions are amazing. I could literally see the Slytherin common room that you described in my mind's eye. I loved that!
Holy Merlin, I did not expect Death Eaters to be talking about Death Eating so openly and casually! Wow! I think you've done well to show two different things here really well. First, that these Slytherin Death Eater buddies are dead serious about this stuff and really believe in the cause and everything. Secondly, that Voldemort is powerful enough even then that his followers feel comfortable enough talking about it in a relatively public area. Sure, it is the Slytherin common room, but still - anyone could walk in!
Ah, another sign of Regulus' humanity. Already, the seeds of his doubt are being sowed. Characterisation wise, I think this makes Regulus even more conflicted and complex a character!
Severus is so infatuated, it's actually a bit creepy. Is he supposed to be creepy? Because he's making me feel creeped out. If that was the desired effect, then well done! I think you mentioned you're a Snape/Lily shipper, and that's cool, but I can't imagine the Lily I met in the chapter before being entirely comfortable with the Severus I'm seeing right now. I think this will make for an interesting relationship... or lack thereof - however the story goes.
Flow wise, I didn't have any issues with it. I'm wondering if the pace might pick up a bit, but I get that it might not for a few chapters yet as you're setting up the scene and introducing characters and everything. I thought the transition between chapters is working well as well. They're all chronological with no overlaps or huge gaps in time, which tie each of them together well. I think this is important because you've swapped the points of view for each chapter so far.
I hope I covered everything you wanted me to... let me know if I missed anything!
PS: Well done on another good chapter!
Author's Response: You write such awesome, detailed reviews. I usually need some time to take it all in and look over all of the great observations you've made. This story has plenty of reviews, but it's not as popular as some of my others, so I'm really pleased that you've been so generous about reading it and checking in on my areas of concern. Thanks so much :)
I don't know that anyone has ever commented on Wilkes, so thank you for that! You're right that he's a little on the quiet side. I was worried that he came out too much like Ron, except for the obvious difference in the callous way that he discussed the raid on his house. You're probably right that Regulus would want some peace after being doted upon night and day by Orion and Walburga.
I'm happy that you like Slughorn, too. He's one of my favorite parts of this chapter (and the story in general) because he adds that comic relief without being over-the-top silly. You do get a sense from canon that he has his own sort of wisdom under the cheerful surface. More than anything, I think he really cares about his students and feels really dismayed by how many of them turn to the Dark Arts. Yet I don't know that he really does enough to work on actively preventing that.
I wanted the Death Eater scene to be jarring. Regulus can't avoid this stuff, not at home and not at school. Part of the openness is that the students are young, excited and impulsive, but I do think it reflects the general sentiment in the common room. I would think there would always be a pocket of current and future Death Eaters making plans somewhere. (Also, I love that you used "death eating" as a verb. That's just... stellar. Haha. I love it.) Anyway, Regulus's journey and his tendency to doubt his path will continue to be important.
Severus is definitely supposed to be creepy. I think I've mentioned this before, but I have this tendency to pity him and be somewhat kind to him in fic, so for this story, I really pushed myself to explore his darkest parts. If Lily has any sense, she would be uncomfortable with who her friend has become. She also has the weakness of being kind, which may make things complicated.
I think--I hope--the pace picks up more later. Please let me know if it doesn't seem to do so. I know Marauder era stories tend to be popular on the archive, so I'd love it if you could tell me if you spot anything that might deter readers from checking this out when it hits the Recently Added list. It could definitely be that I don't update fast enough, and I could see the Snape/Lily pairing being a turnoff, but if you notice anything else, please mention it.
Thanks for another wonderful review :)