Ohh Camille’s section was very intense! I think you painted really vivid image of what she was doing. I like that way you started with the surroundings, the smoke, the streets, before bringing us in.
I love the name Astrid! You confused tenses with ‘tightened’ in this first paragraph, but I can imagine that would be ridiculously easy to to writing present tense.
Your imagery for the woman that’s replaced the young girl was really awesome, I loved ‘with round cheeks like apples.’ I think it paints such a soft picture of what the hardened woman used to be.
Ohhh Johanna’s my favorite so far! She sort of has an Angelina Jolie feel to her. And I’m in love with that woman, so that’s a very good thing :P. I like that she uses her looks to play on these men, it adds a certain kind of calculating coldness to her character.
Our first boy! You’ve let us more into his head than any of the characters so far. The girls seem to just go and act, but he’s dwelling a bit more on the realization that, eventually, it will have to end. His section added a more realistic taste to it all, which I really liked.
Your second paragraph of Simon’s section, first like, you have ‘the stepped’ instead of they. That’s my biggest typo too, I think. I always do that and ‘form’ instead of from. So with his section, I gather that for some reason he needs to pretend not to know his sisters or mother? Did I follow that correctly?
I liked your comment about the hospital only being that by a name. It’s such a realistic description of what hospitals would have been like during this time. And we know that Simon had a different plan set out before the war grew to this point! And that he’s somehow lost his wand during all this. He seems to just want to survive. He doesn’t have Xavier’s thirst for saving his country, and just wants to save his people.
I really like the details of how WWII is through this wizard world, and that they’ve been given the option to fight or flee.
Okay, I’m doing *pretty* well at keeping everyone straight now that we’ve combined them all. Maybe Simon not having his wand is why he isn’t able to reconnect with these people who he’s obviously part of. Ohhh Johanna and Simon may have feelings for each other, yes?? I like that Camille and Jean keep a very soldier kind of perspective to it.
I loved the ending! It was a really nice cliff hanger!
This is a really exciting start, Val! I like the originality of it. I was able to straighten out who was who by the end, too. I think it works perfectly for a prologue. Your cast is out there, the feeling of the story established, and you leave readers with enough questions to want to continue!
Awesome start, m’dear! I’ll be back for chapter 2 soon!
Author's Response: Hi Jami!
First of all, your review turned me into a pile of incoherent mush, so I apologise in advance for any rambling.
Really? You like my imagery and description? Well. *clears throat* THANK YOU SO MUCH (particularly coming from you, because your descriptions are gorgeous)!!
I see Johanna more like Laetitia Casta, but yes, Angelina Jolie actually fits quite well, and I can understand why you'd say that. And yes, she is an amazing woman, so I'm very flattered that this reminds you of her!
Yes, Xavier. As you'll realise, I adore him. So the fact that you like him makes me very, very happy.
Well, the thing about Simon is that he's in a concentration camp, but you've probably figured that out already. It's not about pretending not to know his mother and sisters, he just doesn't have a chance to see them anymore, because men and women were sent in two different directions. I'm not quite sure this made sense.
Look at you, understanding these characters so well! Simon would, in other circumstances, fight for the freedom of his country, but considering his location, that might be difficult... And yes, the absence of the wand is hugely important.
Johanna and Simon - surprise, surprise! I won't say too much about this...
Thank you for your awesome review darling, it really made my day &hearts