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Review:Aphoride says:
Hey there! It's been a while since I stopped by and read anything of yours, so when I spotted you in Review Tag, it was pretty good to jump on it :)

First off, I really loved the style and the way you did, with the fragments from different parts and times of her life. The only thing I thought about it was that maybe you could have shown some kind of difference between each different Narcissa as she grew up and experienced new things? They seemed a little too samey - obviously, the kind of perfection she's feeling in those moments is identical, but maybe a little more description of Narcissa herself would make it a little more obvious which one is which? But no, the style was great and you did really well with it - it really worked with this one-shot as well.

You write Narcissa and Lucius so wonderfully - and even Draco as well. While we see the more evil - if I can say that, lol - side of Lucius in the books through Harry's eyes, you showed that he was a relatively good husband, not always a bad person and that he did care about his family. I also loved Draco's weakness at the end and the way Narcissa's views on the Dark Lord changed from 6 to 7. Narcissa herself was wonderful - you really showed different characteristics and things about her in each of the little segments, which I really liked.

There were a couple of typos and bits which sounded oddly phrases here or there... and you referred to the 'Pure and Noble House of Blacks' when it's the 'Ancient and Most Noble House of Black' ;) Honestly, though, none of that really took away from the feeling or the flow of the story - there definitely wasn't enough that it upset anything or that you would need a beta for. Just maybe a quick proofread before posting, if you don't do that? I can also recommend a website which might help, if you want - feel free to pm me for the link any time (it's really useful, I use it all the time!). One last, quick thing: I noticed in one of the earlier paragraphs (can't remember exactly which one) that you started four sentences in a row with 'I', although I don't think you did that again... you could switch the phrases in those sentences around to make it flow a bit better - I was always taught in school never to have more than two sentences maximum starting with the same word in a paragraph. Just thought I'd mention that since I noticed it ;)

I really enjoyed this, though. It was so lovely. You did so well to keep the light sort of feel and 'perfection' idea running throughout it, despite dealing with some situations which weren't really all that fluffy and really kinda serious. Honestly, I couldn't have done that, I have no idea how you managed it. It's impressive :)

Really enjoyed it!

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing.

I am glad you liked the writing style, and the characterisations of Lucius, Narcissa and Draco.

Thank you so much for all your critique and comments. I'll take everything into consideration when I do an edit.

Thank you so much for all your lovely words =)


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