|Review:||Toujours Padfoot says:|
It had been a good thing his colleague, whoever she'd been, had yanked him away at the last moment - OKAY THAT IS JUST REALLY NOT NICE. Labeling her as 'whoever she'd been' made my poor feelings fall about fifty stories and land in a sewer somewhere to be chewed apart by rats. I hope that description was sufficiently unpleasant for you to read.
'ARROGANT IDIOT'. FIFTEEN-MINUTE SHUN.
Pulling up the shun veil real quick to add that I absolutely adore your Severus. You must be so tired of hearing people compliment how canon he is, but you will sit there and endure listening, anyway.
I think that the ultimate testimony to how much he cared for Beth is in the simple truth that Severus values his brain on a higher level than most. He's a brilliant, brilliant man. He's naturally curious; he loves to know everything. The idea of voluntarily handing over his own memories - a real, tangible, part of himself and who he is, vulnerable to Albus Dumbledore of all people (and let's not forget that not long before this point, Dumbledore had been regarded as the enemy) - it speaks such volumes. It's louder than a hundred "I love you's". And this is one of the things I love the most about your writing. You show us instead of tell us, in ways that sometimes take a while to sink in for the readers, that are sometimes appreciated even more a long time after a character says or does something. Even now, I'm still not finished inspecting all of the angles of Severus and Beth and their decision to have his memories of her taken away. His sacrifice has made him ignorant in ways, which contradicts all of his high opinions of himself, his value for intelligence. He values intelligence so much that he gathers intelligence for BOTH OPPOSING SIDES IN THE MOST DANGEROUS WAR CLIMATE EVER. And still, he gives it up. He gives up a piece of himself to keep the girl he loves safe, and I will never stop adoring him for that.
Ugh. Lily. NO LILY, THIS IS NOT FOR YOU. NOTHING IS FOR YOU.
Oooh is it wrong of me to hope that Severus risks it all and fiddles at the cottony stuff inside his brain? Because that is my secret hope. I hope he realizes that memories have been taken from him. In his present state of mind, he wouldn't know the circumstances of it because he didn't leave himself any clues about having memories taken for his own good, and such a thing would cause him alarm. But of course you're mean so you're not going to give me the swift resolution that I want.
Wait a minute. Now that I'm thinking about it, I can't remember whether Beth knows that the memories are still intact or not? DOES SHE KNOW? Omg I hope she knows. She needs that little bit of hope. All this time I've just assumed she knew, because I as the reader know, but she could just be walking around oblivious of it. That would be so horrible to not have that tiny hope. I CAN'T REMEMBER, PLEASE TELL ME THINGS.
Omg what if Beth gets drunk and shows up at his door and just tells him everything.
Moody! That was totally Moody!
Wow, Snape is like a robot. He is so coarse with poor Mulciber! Why did I call him 'poor', the man is a Death Eater. Well, in this light they're kind of not the enemy...what am I even saying... That was like the worst way to tell someone their friend is dead. Just showing up at the door, bluntly telling them they're dead, and then turning around and bolting off. Severus, you have so many issues. I really love you for it. And then of course he goes upstairs and hides in his room where he can be human and confused all by himself. I think what he's feeling probably has more to do with witnessing someone he knows well snuff it - someone who's his own age, and that would remind him of his own mortality. And knowing this was approved by Dumbledore would be kind of frightening. This would be the moment for self-doubt, for distrust, when it came to the Order.
BETH. COME BACK. BETH ON THE ROUNDABOUT. Okay this is giving me hope. I am going to sit here and tell myself that he will pick at his brain until things leak through. Because no matter how neatly and precisely Dumbledore removed memories, I'm sure Beth is hiding there in places one wouldn't expect to look. She's in the stitching between memories, on the edge, out of focus. I'm sure of it.
Author's Response: -cackle- I am cruel. ♥ And also take great pleasure in inserting those small barbs of words for the astute to latch onto. Although ew, that was a very unpleasant description indeed.
I absolutely adore when you analyze Severus -- gah. You get him SO well, and it always feels like you understand just how I see him when I'm writing him a particular way, and that is just so, so gratifying. And I completely agree with everything you said: I don't think Severus would agree to give up his memories, one of the most valuable things a person has, lightly. And you know, I don't think he would have, if he'd had the chance to think it over. It's similar in some way to his choice to join the Death Eaters, which again I think he might have backed out on if he had analyzed the consequences where Beth was involved more thoroughly. I think he's one of those people that makes up his mind about something and then must follow through with his decision, or he'd feel he'd look weak to others.
Your secret hope is a good one. :3 BUT YOU SHALL GET NO MORE OUT OF ME. I think it's pretty safe to say that if something's bothering Sev, though, Sev's going to bother it right back, as it were. (And that totally was Moody! So proud of you, knowing your canon. Not like I expected any different, of course.)
I don't think Severus knows how to deal with death -- well, obviously. He is so confused and cannot deal with the fact that he'll never see Rosier and Wilkes again, so of course he can't handle the people he WILL see, because they're going to have the same burden, and he doesn't like emotions. Poor Snape. ♥ And poor Mulciber too, really, because even though they are Death Eaters, they are still human! Slightly twisted, but that's what humanity is a lot of the time.
Reminding you here that you sparked inspiration with that last paragraph, and I shan't tell you why. ♥ WHY DO YOU LEAVE ME SUCH DELIGHTFUL REVIEWS EVERY WEEK. I CANNOT FATHOM HOW MUCH YOU DO FOR THIS STORY.
Youda best, yo. ~