Hello! Here for your requested review.
Oh dear God. This was so long, haha! But, totally worth the read. I really really enjoyed this.
I loved your take on Percy and Audrey, and I think you gave an interesting spin to their relationship. It was long yes, but you couldn't have done such a fabulous job of presenting your plot without this huge length. My suggestion would be to break it in a two-chapter story though, as I know from experience, that many readers turn away from one-shots by looking at the long lengths. If you break this into two chapters, it would make for an easier read, and will definitely attract more readers. Just my suggestion though, feel free to take it or leave it =)
Coming back to the story, I loved how you portrayed your characters. George was fantastic and I liked the bromance between him and Percy. It was unexpectedly realistic and came off as quite natural. Percy was great too of course, I loved your depiction of him. His reaction to Audrey's kiss was priceless, and pretty much how I'd imagine him to react.
You asked how I liked the change you made with Percy, so I have to admit that I absolutely loved it. He was quite canon-ish in a way and yet you gave him your own spin, and it all tied together nicely.
And Audrey was just wow! I loved the way you presented her in such an unconventional (or I should say non-cliche) manner. I loved loved loved your portrayal of her, and that kiss, was just amazing! The conversation between Percy and Audrey was very nicely done too, so totally realistic and interesting.
The ending was so sad though, it blew me off. I feel so sad for Percy now. I have never reflected much on him as a character, but you've really brought him into the spotlight for me, and now I really like him as a character. And as I mentioned before, I absolutely love your Audrey!
I think this was a lovely story all in all - you maintained a perfect balance between angst and humour - and I enjoyed it a lot. I was totally hooked on while reading and you have done a superb job with it. I didn't see any major grammar errors and such either, which is awesome. The whole thing, despite being long, flowed really smoothly too.
All in all, good work! Apart from the one minor suggestion of breaking this into two, I dont have any CC for you as you have done a perfect job with this amazing piece of writing. An original plot, realistic characters, and fantastic writing style - that's all that is needed for a great story and you snagged it all =)
Author's Response: Hello!
Hey there, thanks for stopping by with this lovely, monstrous review. So many people have told me that I should break this into two chapters that I think I might just go ahead and do it. I hate to think of people being for two hours like poor Teh Tarik was reading this when she left me a review. D':
Bwha, I think the bromance between George and Percy is great and I really do love writing them together. For some reason, I think they would have gotten closer after Fred's death and I'm glad that that was realistic for you.
I was so nervous about how I changed Percy, I wasn't sure if I had done a good job in pushing him away from canon but still having him with things you guys could recognize.
Everything that I tried to do with Audrey was unconventional to the point of extreme. I didn't want her to be someone that Percy just meshed into well, it would be too easy and honestly, who doesn't want to write about a stripper? Hehehe. I'm a girl, but I like the idea of that and writing Percy's reactions to her and its all so much fun! :D
Thank you so much, I'm SO glad that you were able to enjoy this, I really tried my hardest with this and always think I never do enough. I love angst/humor as well so I think this sort of just put my favorite things together into one big mess of a fanfic. And thank goodness it turned out all right! :D
I will think about going in and breaking this into two chapters and probably continuing on with this! Alot of people liked it, I've never had such a positive reaction to my one-shots before! D':
You're much too sweet to me!