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Review:patronus_charm says:
Hello! Iím here with your requested review!

I really liked Mikaelaís thoughts they were so bubbly and lively, it was a pleasure to read, as you felt that you got to know her. They were also great, as it meant you got a real sense of what was going on around you, as they were so fast paced, so that was great in a descriptive sense.

You built up the tension and mystery well, with Astoria crying in the kitchen, as that was rather unexpected so you knew that something was up. Then Draco saying that they had to say something, it just made you want to unravel the mystery even more.

I liked how you said that Astoria was open to muggle things, as it was nice to see that there could possibly have been some change in pureblood society. Of course Draco would be the same and not wear muggle clothes, but I donít think if someone gave him a million galleons he would muggle clothing!

I thought the reveal scene was great, as it included a lot of detail. However, I did feel as the paragraph was so long, and so detailed it got hard to follow, and I think it would be best if you broke it, as then it would be easier to read. You could have Draco start pacing, or glance to a window or something, then include more dialogue, as it would spilt it up, and show how important the reveal scene was.

I did like the idea of the curse though, as it seemed very unusual, and I could perfectly understand Mikaelaís reaction to it! I mean who would want to marry some guy, and have a baby with him if you didnít even know him!

There were quite a few grammar issues in this chapter, and the main was spacing. In some cases you forgot to put a space between words, and in other such as the í17 thí you donít need a space in between. I would suggest getting a beta, as that would really help improve the technical side of the chapter, as theyíre so useful and lovely! Also if you even run out of story ideas, theyíre so good at helping out with that.

I thought this was an interesting start!

-Kiana :D

Author's Response: Hey
I am so glad you enjoyed her thought process.
I know paragraphing is the main issue. I will most definitely edit this chapter in terms of grammar and all that jazz.
Thankyou soo much for such a long review.
I surely re request another one.
Love
Em


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