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Review:Gabriella Hunter says:
Hello!

Hey there, its Gabbie with your requested review and I'm really sorry that it took me a long time to get to you. I've been trying to write myself and had some boring real life issues getting in the way and you know all that stuff that stops people from doing awesome stuff.
Anyhoo, on to this! So, the first opening scene I think really sets up Mikaela as a character but I think you should have slowed down a bit. I was able to grasp her thoughts all right but I think you jumped a little too much from topic to topic but simply merging some sentences would solve this. It would have been nice to know a few more details of her room, since it would give her more backstory before the main part of this chapter began.
I knew something was a little off though when she went into the kitchen, again more detail of the home would be nice but her mother bursting into tears? Uhm...that's not what I was expecting! I thought you wrote the complete awkwardness of that scene really well and I felt very sorry for her and Scorp! D':
I thought for a moment that their father was going to tell them that they were getting a divorce or something, as that would ruin any birthday. But what did happen was alot weirder than what I thought and completely turned this around! So, magic promises are something tricky, aren't they?
I'm not sure how binding it would be though for her to follow through on this. Would she die if she didn't? What would happen to her family? I sort of wanted to know more details about this!
I do like that she didn't accept it but running off isn't going to solve the problem, hahaha. Or will it?
I also wasn't able to understand Mikaela's thing with Gryffindors or Muggles, perhaps you'll put more detail into that later? I'd really like to know! But ah...its going to be So awkward for her later on...I just know it. HAHAHAH.
Let's see, as for what I said about details, the only thing is that you could break up alot of your bigger paragraphs into much smaller ones. It would make your chapter longer and give you some more room to play with everyone else's reactions/add in quirks or mannerisms. But that's just me! :D
Other than that, I think you've got something really interesting here! Feel free to re-request!
Much love,
Gabbie

Author's Response: Hellooo.
First of thankyou soo much for such a long review. You really have put in a lot of effort in it.
The wait for surely worth it. :)
I am glad you were able to get into her thought process. I am realizing myself that it lacks a lot of details and the paragraphing is not right. I should add more spaces. I am surely going to take your advise on that and re edit the chapters.
I am glad I turned it around for you. It is fun to surprise your readers.
I think for a pureblood to turn in to a muggle is far worse than death. Thus I chose this.
Mikaela was sorted in to Slytherin for a reason. She becomes a coward when it comes to such things. I thought it through before adding her to Slytherin.
Haha I am glad you enjoyed the awkwardness.
Yes they will be further explained in Ch5
I will surely re request
It was fun reading you review
Love
Em


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