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Review:my_voice_rising says:
Hallo! I am here to review.

I like the beginning already. A lot of writers make the Hogwarts Express goodbye scene awkward unintentionally--like it's just filler to begin a story. But I like that you come out and say that they stand there for fifteen minutes without saying anything and then they leave. Even more when her mother says "don't bother...," which really should be so horrifying to hear from a parent. But your characters are just used to it. It tells us a lot about their relationship with their parents.

I wonder if they would use the Shrieking Shack again to hide a werewolf? I feel like a lot about Harry's personal life--and those of the dead--would have been leaked to the press after the war. Would it really be smart to put her back in the same place? It's really important to distinguish your OC from Remus, since they are the only prominent werewolves in the series (except for Greyback, but I have a feeling your OC is not like him.) One way to do this would be to not give them the same story while at Hogwarts :3

The banter between James and Ellie was funny. I'm excited to see some more character development there. Nice work!

Author's Response: Just so you know, I went back and edited a bunch of grammar/spelling mistakes I had in this story. For some reason, I was too lazy to go back and fix that before validating (won't happen again). So, don't worry so much about that rubbish, it should be validated by Tuesday.

The opening scene makes me laugh. . .I'm a horrible person. Thanks, I tried to suggest that their family is split because of Ellie's "time of the month" (I crack up when I write that too. . .this is why I picked a girl. I'm still a horrible person).

Good point, I haven't really said any specifics on where she goes, so I will the next transformation. I'm thinking that they just set her loose deep in the Forbidden Forrest and I can describe how the creatures in there are not very happy about it, or something. Thanks, that's uber helpful.

Oh James. . .he just says whatever I think whenever I see a very pretty girl :P

Thanks for this wonderful review!
Jack


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