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Review:SilentConfession says:
Hey teh! I'm here for our review swap! I had a nice long review written and then my browser closed and i lost it all :( Hopefully i can try to say all the things i did first time around!

All I can do is flail. This is a lovely piece of work. It's so DARK! I love that because you can really just feel this story. The imagery is fantastic, it is really gripping and some of the images you invoke are eerie and chilling. The sucking of the dirt, the hole in the wall from the plaster she ate, the glinting eyes, the way you describe Tom's eyes and how it changes when he's not under the potion anymore. There was so much of the imagery but i didn't feel like it was too heavy at all. I think that it helped characterize Merope and it did it in a way that made me feel her and infer things rather than just spelling out for me. Which i think is really great because i think it helps me understand her.

you did a really great job with Merope here. You can see who she was as a person and you did great with adding bits and pieces of her back story as well so that we can understand how she came to this point as well. One of my favourite bits was her interaction with Burke and how she just accepted the money he offered. He obviously wasn't being honest but she just didn't question it and just let it happen. Much how it seemed like she did with the rest of her life. Let herself be neglected, never tried to make herself better until she thought Tom. It was the only thing she did for herself and even that was a really bad attempt at it.

The hissing bit and the apparating with her pregnancy- it just shows the state of her depravity has got to. I can just feel her desperation and how out of touch she is with reality. It's scary really because you can see how someone like Tom was birthed from her and this situation.

The only critique i can offer is small but there were times that the description was a little messy and if you cleaned it up a little it would help make some of the parts a little clearer. For instance- the part with when Tom comes back?? (does he come back or is it just her mind imagining him there?) This might have been the only place that i felt myself questioning things because the imagery and description was a little less tight than the rest of the piece.

This is a really great piece of work though teh and i've loved reading it. It's just so good and haunting. I think you really captured this moment and i liked how you did in three trimesters of her life and how it forced her into the downward spiral with her life. Really beautifully done! I'm really happy were able to swap and i had a chance to read this!! You've done such a stellar job with it!

Author's Response: Hello Zayne :)

yes, I know all about writing a lengthy review only to have a mutinous browser shut down on you :P Or in my case, every time I hit backspace to erase something the entire page goes back and all the words are lost :(

But thank you so so much for still writing another lengthy detailed review! And from scratch again!

Ahaha, yes this is me trying to be /dark/ :D I'm not really used to writing in this genre (this fic was done for a challenge) and I didn't know exactly how to be /dark/ so I just threw in loads of imagery :P And I'm SOHAPPY that you thought all that imagery wasn't too overwhelming or too overdone, but instead contributed to Merope's characterisation!

Yeah, Merope was sort of described as a 'defeated looking person' in the books, and I was trying to get this across in my characterisation of her. And she did get badly swindled by Burke as well; it sort of made sense to me that even if she did know, she wouldn't have put up much of a fight anyway.

I'm so glad you pointed out bits where the description was messy. Gah, my fault! Yes, that is all a weird dream. Tom (sr.) never comes back. Not at all, not even in the dream. Merope is actually dreaming of a future Tom Riddle Jr. (i.e. Voldy) bahaha; actually it does sound a little far-fetched...and yeah, you're right, it was pretty confusing because of the far-fetchedness of the idea. Hmm, I'll see what I can do to fix it.

Thank you so much for your lovely comments and absolutely helpful critique Zayne! Pleasure doing a swap with you :D

-teh


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