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Review:800 words of heaven says:
Hello! Here with you requested review!

I like how it's in first person. I enjoy reading first person, because it can be more personal. From my own experience I find it easier to show emotion as well, and it can offer a unique insight into the mind of your character. The one pitfall of this, I suppose, is that sometimes it can be quite difficult to well define the rest of your cast of characters. I know I'm having that issue at the moment with one of my stories, so just bear that in mind!

Your main character seems to have some spunk! She wants people to remember her birthday, but she hates surprises. She doesn't seem to enjoy parties, and hates Gryffindors. Just be careful about how you treat her personality quirks. She's probably not going to be a Mary Sue, but be careful that she doesn't turn into the anti-Mary Sue!

So you've introduced the "problem" of the story quite early on. Whilst this might work out well, depending on how the rest of your story is formatted, I did think that the fourth paragraph was jumping the gun a little. I've only known our main character for three paragraphs, Scorpius for even less. I just don't know enough about either of them to get really worked up over why their mother is crying. Is this something she normally does? Is this a never-before-seen occurrence? Should we be worried? Our main character seems to have taken it rather well, so I'm not even sure if the problem is big enough to warrant my worry.

You mentioned Mikaela's sixth sense really briefly. Is this just like normal intuition, or does she have a developed sixth sense which tells her stuff? The way you mentioned it was really off-hand, so I'm guessing that it's just like that feeling you get in your stomach sometimes, and not actually something major. But it would be nice if this was a bit clearer. It would help flesh out Mikaela's character a bit more.

I found Draco's explanation of the situation very long. It didn't feel natural. Why weren't there any interruptions? How come the entire family sat in silence listening to him? Also, because of the huge information dump, the paragraph was quite long and a little off-putting for me. On this point, I know individual opinions vary. Some people like really long paragraphs, and some don't.

One more thing. Have you considered finding a beta? You have a few spelling and grammar issues, particularly your apparent dislike for commas! A beta will just help smooth over these things, and they can help you with other writing issues you may have. It helps a lot to have a pair of fresh, unbiased eyes take a look at your story!

Thanks for requesting!

Author's Response: Hii, thankyou for this.
It means a lot. :)
Yes, I am facing that as well. Mikaela is more or less myself but eventually I will get the hang of it.
Haha, yes I will make sure that I keep her character in check. There is a lot more to it than the readers think thus I put her in Slytherin.
I have realized that this chapter lacks description and I will be editing it very soon.
I just started writing for people, I was always very private about it at first. Maybe that is the reason for this.
I am a new born at these sites and I get lost very easily but I will surely find one. Thankyou once again for this.
I will re request a review very soon!
-Em



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