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Review:Courtney Dark says:
Hey there! Thanks so much for requesting a review!

First of all, I want to say that I really like the idea for the story. Mikaela seems like she is going to be a very interesting (and probably super spunky) character, which I always love to read. I am also interested to know more about the Malfoy family dynamics and Mikaela's relationship with her parents and brother-I always find the next generation Malfoy family interesting to read about, so I'd like to see your take on them!

The way you explained the arranged marriage makes a lot of sense, and I certainly felt horrible for Mikaela. May I suggest, however, that you break up that big long paragraph a little? Paragraphs as long as that can look intimidating for a reader and also make it slightly harder to read-you can break it up into a few paragraphs each time Mikaela's father makes a new point.

I feel like this chapter was a little rushed. There was not a lot of description and most of the sentences were very short and awkward, giving this chapter a slightly uneven, disjointed flow. Taking your time and slowing things down a bit would really take this story up a few notches. In the opening paragraph especially, it is essential to set the scene with enough detail to hook the reader in. The lines: 'Its time to wake up. But I donít want to' seemed very disjointed-I think if you went back and looked through this chapter, you could find all sorts of ways to improve it, even if that's simply by adding commas rather than full stops. I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound harsh, but I think this story has potential, and I want to help you the best that I can. I really think if you relaxed the beginning a little, it could be great. Maybe something along the lines of:

'As the early morning sunlight streamed through my open window, I opened my eyes. I knew it was time to wake up, but I really didn't want to-my bed was just too comfortable.'

You don't have to listen to anything I've said if you don't want to, but I hope I was of some help...or at least provided inspiration.

Good luck with your writing!


Author's Response: Heyy, first of all thankyou soo much for reviewing. It means a lot. :)
Mikaela is somewhat a replica of myself. That's why I am able to go into her thought process without difficulty. This is my first fanfic. I am here to improve my writing.
You were not at all harsh. I am actually glad you were honest. I will be editing this chapter very soon and I will surely consider your ideas. I will request another review from you very soon. Thankyou once again.

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