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Review:fauxthefox says:
Hi! I'm Faux from the forums, here for the review swap!

This seems to be a pretty cool and original story so far, though it's a very short chapter. I have a few comments for you -

First off, you tend to switch POV (point-of-view) a lot, and narrate the story from the voices of many characters (Lucius, Narcissa, etc). I like this idea, and I think you can make it work really well if you give each character a bit longer to "talk." Lucius' and Narcissa's scenes were very short, and made the story seem a bit jumbled/confusing. I'd suggest you lengthen out those two segments with some description, dialogue, etc, to round out the characters and the story as a whole. Or, if you think those characters aren't really necessary to the story, you could remove their scenes and tell that part of the story through someone else's eyes.

The AU Granger family is also a bit confusing. I think you could improve the chapter as a whole by explaining each character's relation to the family, and giving a short description of that character somewhere in the chapter.

I'm definitely curious about the wolves! You've got a nice start here. Thanks for the swap!
Faux.

Author's Response: You're welcome!! Thanks I really appreciate it! I'll review your chosen story tomorrow as I don't have time now.
Thanks for the advice!
BS


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