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Review:adluvshp says:
Hello! AditiDraco95/adluvshp here for your requested review from the forums.

First off, this was a very difficult story to write, given the challenge, so congrats on being able to do this! You have done a fairly good job and I liked it over all.

Given that this was the first time you wrote Scorpius and Rose, you have captured them quite well too! I liked the way both the POVs were written - it wasn't confusing at all - and both their feelings of the moments came across easily, be it Rose's fear at being separated/killed or Scorpius' anticipating to bring her back.

Addressing your concerns, this was definitely very interesting. I loved your plot concept, the idea of Rose having to "take help" and such. Your execution of the plot in your narrative was neat too, so yes it was quite interesting.

This flowed pretty much smoothly. The transition from Rose's POV to Scorpius' was clear. The flow of thoughts, both Rose's and Scorpius' was fine as well. I could definitely follow what was going on. It was all presented in an effective manner.

I'd suggest to break up the big paraphraphs into shorter ones for better flow though as that would make it easier to read, especially the last paragraph (before the final sentence).

Also, I noticed some of your grammar was a little off in places, there were a couple of spelling typos here and there, and also some of your sentences are a little too long-winded (heavily worded) so they disrupted the flow for me a little.

I'd highly recommend getting a beta to look through the grammar, sentence phrasing, spelling, punctuation, etc. to improve the story, or if you think you can do it yourself, give this a thorough re-read and go for it =)

But apart from that, this was a nice and strong piece of writing. I liked how it came together in the end, and the way it began too. The thoughts were captured in a nice manner, especially Rose's, and came off as realistic.

All in all, good work! You have loads of room for improvement so I hope you can work on this with a beta to polish it. All the best.

8/10

Cheers!
AD
(AditiDraco95)

Author's Response: AditiDraco95,

Thank you for your review and insight on this story. I have plans to re-vamp this story, hopefully. I will use this review as well when I get to it.

Hopefully I can get a beta to work with me.

Thank you for your review.

Megthechef43


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