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Review:fauxthefox says:
Hi! This is Faux from the forums with your requested review! I'll just jump right in here -

I think your characters could use a bit of work - maybe some background? You've painted a pretty good picture of Raoul through Lucy's eyes, but I didn't feel like I got a good idea of Lucy's life or even her personality, besides the fact that she's a bit emotionally dependent on Raoul. I think that adding more detail about Lucy would definitely save her from the Mary Sue zone. Sure, it's only a one-shot, but you still have plenty of room to develop her character and make her more lifelike. :)

I like your writing style a lot, though in some places your phrasing gets a bit confusing. For example, in the sentence "Fleetingly I remembered my own light green dress, thinking about how we contrasted yet still looked like two pieces in a jigsaw," the phrase "yet still" seems a bit redundant/confusing. I'd suggest you look it over and edit it, maybe reading it out loud (that always helps me). I also noticed a spot or two where you switched between first and third person narration.

I like the plot a lot, except that it makes Lucy seem sort of dependent/weak. The idea of the whole award ceremony is pretty cool. :)


Author's Response: Hey Faux!

Thanks for the review =)

Oo. I didn't think about Lucy being a Mary Sue... I tried to keep her away from that since obviously she's not perfect since she just listens to what Raoul says.

Im glad you like it. I'll go back and edit that! Thanks for pointing it out =)

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