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Review:megthechef43 says:
aquabluez17,

Finally here with your requested review.

Well, this was interesting enough. The flow was slightly skewed and I had issues following what was going on.

First off, I think the last wo paragraphes of the first flash back should not be italisized because it is in real time. I also think you should specfy that the letter received in the first flashback was from her father to help it tie to what goes on in later flashbacks, It took me awhile to make that connection.

I don't think that the first chapter is the place for too many nicknames because we are just meeting the characters. I mean you call the main character Amber, Ambs, and Ru. It was hard to figure out who you were talking about at times which really messed with the follow because I would have to re-read lines multiply times.

I think a little mystery is good to keep the reader reading your story but at times there was too much and it was confusing. Example was when Amber had showed up and her Mother said let me see my niece. Wait, what?? woah... WTH. That is how I felt. It was later explained partially but with this chpater, there is already so much going on I think it would be easier to leave that part out for now because with the flash backs and switching back and forth it takes a lot to follow the basic storyline and not muddled it with information that is not needed at the moment.

Also, I wish we had more of a reaction out of Harry on his opinion of the marriage and why would he go through with it.

Please continue to write this story because it is an intriguing idea and quite different but the first chapter seems bogged down with information.

Megthechef43 aka Meg

Author's Response: hey! sorry I didn't see this :p whoopsie!

I'll go back and change that. I was a bit confused if I should make it italicized or not so thank you for letting me know.

Ah right... Well I'll go back and look at that too :P yeah I have been told that it's a bit too much so I was thinking of adding a bit more information to make the story flow better.

We will see Harry's response later promise!

Thank you for taking the time to review!


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