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Review:CallMeBellatrix96 says:
where was I? ahh yes. pacing. you seem to be burning through conflict like?a crazy person and the frantically trying to create intrigue (her parents dying suddenly? COME ON! that was so rushed and impersonal. SERIOUSLY! i like what your doing with hermione's mom and how you initiated that in the beginning, but i with you wouldnt rush through things so quickly. and make hermione and george fight for once. PLEASE! IM BEGGING YOU! They are losing their relatability as a couple. and i wouldnt mind you making ginny and harry bigger characters in this. they are there...but impersonal...no characterization. DONT DEPEND COMPLETELY ON WHAT ROWLING LAID DOWN FOR YOU. IT IS YOUR STORY NOW! And thus far, all the character's feelings are being TOLD to me by their dialouge. try to express more with vivid desctiption of body language and inner thoughts. and i repeat. REALISTIC conflict! you have eanough crazy plot twists for one story, stick with those and give me a good old fashoned lovers quarrel.

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