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Review:CambAngst says:
Hi, there! I so enjoy reading your reviews and I've wanted to a while to drop in and check out more of your work. This seemed like a good one to start with.

I think you did a great job of characterizing James Potter as his school days were drawing to a close. He definitely seems wiser and more reserved. He's plainly a leader -- the other Gryffindor players are willing to do anything for him. He's determined to leave his legacy on the school at any personal cost.

The Quidditch match was well written. It was easy to slip into the feeling of being there and visualize what was going on. Gryffindor-Slytherin always seems to be a nasty, physical grudge match and this was no different from expectations.

So what was Lily doing in the hospital wing? Was it because she's Head Girl and she feel duty-bound to check up on her counterpart? Would she have done the same for any fellow Gryffindor? Or is there something more to it than that? I really found myself wondering about it, but James doesn't seem all that surprised to find her there when he wakes up. I wished that you had gone a little deeper into his thoughts on her presence.

He was so coy with her! Finally, after years of failing with the blunt approach, he's learned to take a different tack. I liked the dynamic you created between the two of them. It was more than a little awkward, but full of promise. A very realistic way to imagine their relationship beginning.

I especially loved this line: He'd pretty much set himself up to be crushed on a near-daily basis by her for six years, and she didnít think he liked to suffer? That cracked me up and showed his self-deprecating sense of humor.

Let's see, constructive criticism... Well, I'm sure some people have already pointed this out, but Gryffindor-Slytherin was traditionally the first match of the season, not the last. It doesn't matter so much since it isn't really the main point of the story. I also saw what might be a small typo: James awoke, surprised to hear the voice of a girl who he would have been the last on the list to be at his bedside. - There's something not right about this sentence. Maybe, "... who would have been the last on the list that he expected to find at his bedside."

This was really well done. I hope Jami -- aka, the Queen of the James/Lily Shippers -- has seen it!

Author's Response: Hello!

Gah - sorry for how long these have taken to reply to. Thank you so much though, both these reviews put a smile on my face!

I much prefer reading stories where James is older, wiser and not so big-headed and so when I decided to write this it had to be set at this time. I'm so glad you thought I did a good job of characterising him though, I always worry about that! I always thought James would be a good captain too, earning the respect of his players so they play well as a team.

Writing the Quidditch match was both terrifying and hard! If it hadn't have been for the fact that this idea would just not budge out of my head it probably wouldn't have got written at all. I got through it though and you saying that it meets expectations just makes me so happy to read. Phew.

Haha, Lily gave a pretty lame excuse to Mary as to why she stayed in the hospital wing, which Mary saw straight through of course. Lily probably tried to convice herself it was some Head Girl duty of some kind, but lets face it: she started to see James in a completely different light by this time and she's worried about him. You make a very good point about James not being surprised - I will have a re-read and edit that!

Yeah - I figure that eventually James would realise his tactics weren't going to work. Flirty James is fun to write though! I particularly had a lot of fun writing that line so I'm glad you liked it.

Actually you are the first person to point out that the Gryffindor-Slytherin is supposed to be the first game of the season. I did know that but I felt the Slytherin game would give the game a bit more tension - and would be played a bit dirtier to allow what happened to happen if that makes sense. Thanks for pointing out the typo - I will go and re-word that as it doesn't sound good at all!

Jami had read this story! Thanks again for a wonderful review!

Lauren :)


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