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Review:CambAngst says:
Hi, there. I saw your forum status and decided to check out your story.

To answer the question in your author's note, I do think you did the moment justice. The thought process you detailed for Peter was really well written. I've read a lot of different versions of the rationalizations that Peter uses to justify his betrayal: fear and jealousy being the two most common. So your approach of casting it as pragmatism was a refreshing change. To anyone fighting against the Dark Lord's rise -- and especially a relatively weak, downtrodden guy like Peter -- the fight must have seemed well nigh impossible to win. And while it seems that the Order of the Phoenix had a huge appeal to people who like to dream the impossible dream, Peter wasn't that sort of dreamer. It seems like life had beaten that out of him a long time ago.

The idea that he would have to kill in order to become a Death Eater also made perfect sense. Peter's reflections on the act really left me wondering how he would have reacted if the Death Eaters had chosen somebody that he was closer to as his victim, rather than some Hufflepuff kid that the Marauders likely mocked for his studiousness. It would have been interesting to see.

I thought you did a great job writing his brief meeting with the Dark Lord. It was menacing and tense, but with just a bit of a pep talk thrown in when Voldemort chastises his followers for mocking Peter. And the fact that Voldemort knew what he was thinking all along was the icing on the cake.

Let's see, what else? I loved his thoughts about Sirius's rebellion against his family and James's attempt to live up to his parents' legacy. That sounded like Peter Pettigrew. He's still in awe of his friends, but he can't resist the opportunity to take them down a peg or two in his own mind.

The best concrete suggestion I could offer you would be to extend this story one more chapter and give us your best interpretation of Peter's emotions immediately after he betrays the Potters to Voldemort. After all, his feelings in this moment are still very theoretical. He hasn't been asked to turn on anyone who means anything to him. The blood on his hands isn't personal. He still actually thinks that he'll be able to keep the people he cares about safe. In that moment after he gives up the secret to Voldemort, he must have thought some interesting things, indeed.

I did see a few things that looked like typos while I was reading:

They could not afford their laced covered dreams and aspirations. - lace covered?

He did not expect him to have been here tonight, he thought his recruitment would have just been a blimp in the grand scheme of things. - I think you meant "blip". A blimp is pretty big, in the grand scheme of things. ;)

The only think that mattered now was what was more right and did he want to die? - only thing

Until then though, hed brandish those thoughts away, they played no part in the life he lived because no matter how many books he read or daydreams he had, they would not save him now. - banish those thoughts?

Overall, your writing was really good. Everything flowed nicely and nothing sounded awkward or singsongy. You did a good job with this and I'm glad I got a chance to read it.

Author's Response: Hi! Sorry for how long it's taken me to respond! I've been on holiday for the last couple weeks and haven't had access to this site! Soo without further ado just thank you so much for stopping by and reviewing this! Your comments are way too nice! I'm just really glad you found that it captured it fairly well. I've read a few as well and only a couple i've properly liked. I've always wanted to show that he still had some loyalty to his friends, that it didn't just die or he was a complete blumbering idiot. He was their friend, he was someone they trusted without a doubt and I think him betraying them would have been a slow fade really where eventually he sold his entire soul to the cause but we're not at that point yet in his story. Right now he just doesn't want to die- he doesn't want anyone to die and he sees no other way to live. His disillusioned with the war effort i think on both sides to an extent (or he uses that to justify why it isn't so bad that he's embracing the darkness). A lot of this is him trying to justify himself - his comments about his friends as you pointed out or how this is survival etc. It is the only conceivable way for him to survive - he's not like Sirius who expects everyone to be able to lie down their life for the cause or James who expects great things and dreams too big. He's too straight forward and the war and life has beaten him down- killed those dreams he once had.

More to this? I do get where you are coming from definitely and the thought has crossed my mind since i've read this review. it would be great to explore in more concrete terms his betrayal - how playing the two sides affected him. Part of me likes leaving it up in the air for the readers to decide if he stayed their friend and felt bad about the betrayal or if playing the two sides made him turn darker and he'd become so desensitized to death and murder that the betrayal left less of a mark on him. So I guess we shall see- i wouldn't be surprised though if i end up writing more :P

Thank you so much for your review and reading this!

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