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Review:academica says:
Hello! I'm stopping by from Review Tag :)

The emotion in this piece was really quite tangible. You did a nice job with describing how hard it would be for George to come to terms with Fred's death, from the trouble he had breathing to his unwillingness to say the word 'dead.'

I love Fred's characterization, too. You've done great work with balancing his insatiable dry wit and the fact that with his death some of his usual levity has left him permanently, as symbolized by the slightly different look in his eyes. I like the little bit of awkwardness inherent in their conversation, too, especially the mistake with five, not six, brothers.

I also liked how George rephrased his eulogy, to make it more like what he and Fred wanted and less like what was expected of him. Even in his misery, he was able to let Fred live on through him.

The only thing that seemed a tad bit off to me here was the quote from Deathly Hallows. Don't get me wrong, I love that quote, and content-wise I think it fits here. The phrasing, though, seems a little too stiff for Fred and George. If you really want to include it, I'd recommend going back and paraphrasing it so that it sounds more natural. You will obviously still need to credit the source, though.

Nice work :)


Author's Response: Hello! Thank you for stopping by and thank you for such a great review!

I'm so happy you liked the characterisation of Fred and George - I was so worried about losing the two of them among all the emotion and seriousness of the matter. The mistake actually came into it as I made the mistake writing that line - counting all 6 of the brothers. It seemed to fit though - Fred forgetting that he wasn't with them anymore.

Even in misery I still can't see Fred and George conforming to what is expexcted of them. I think what George says is better than anything he would have been expected to say anyway.

Thanks for the advice - I will look into paraphrasing it. I love that quote too and when I was writing this I just had it in my head all the time. I see what you mean though so thanks!

Thanks again for such a lovely review!

Lauren :)

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