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Review:Jchrissy says:
Hi m'dear! I wanted to read a few chapters tonight but it looks like I'll only have time for one.

But anyway! I love the quick pace you're keeping with this. Hermione's curiosity was very true to her nature. We've watched her have to question things to death before accepting them, and I think you did a really good job getting that inquisitive part of her character down in this.

I also really like the revelation about Draco and that he'd been working undercover, essentially spying on the Italian Death Eater want-to-bes for sometime now. Of course, it doesn't mean he didn't used to be a brat, but at least he's doing something valuable with his time now. I can really imagine his father receiving the kiss wanting to make him throw his life all into something.

I'm excited to see what life undercover for Hermione will be like! I wish she'd be able to take poor kitty with her... :(. But I'm sure Ginny will be nice enough :P

Some parts I felt like the dialogue was overly formal and I couldn't figure out why. Then I realized it! It's not that it's over formal at all, but it's that you aren't using a ton of contractions. Usually using contractions whenever possible in dialogue is best because that's just how we naturally speak, unless it's someone like Dumbledore who you want to sound more drawn out. If you ever go back and edit, I'd suggest changing your 'it is, that is, you are,' all into contractions. But besides that, your dialogue was great! You kept the conversation moving and didn't ever make it confusing on which of them was talking. It was really easy to follow it and get wrapped up in the story behind why it's come to the point where another Undercover is needing.

This was such an intense second chapter, I'm so excited for the third!

Jami

Author's Response: Jami,

Hello again. Thank you for the great review. I'm glad you felt like Hermione was true to her nature in this chapter. I try to be fairly in canon with these two because most people scream that for this ship to wrok they must be extremely ooc. We'll see if I can keep them in character.

As much much as I think he can be a pompous brat. I think he could have been on the right side of the war if situations had been different.

I feel as though most of my dialouge can be a bit stiff and I couldn't figure out why but I think you just hit the nail on the head. I'll review this chapter and try to make this sound more natural. THANK YOU!!

Meg


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