Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:Violet Gryfindor says:
This was a fascinating snapshot of Remus's transformation, his first once the other Marauders had mastered the Animagus spell. You describe the physical effects of the transformation in a very effective way, with a great focus on verbs, on bodily function and physicality. There's a great sense of action in this one-shot, even in the details of how each of Remus's muscles seem be constantly in motion. Do watch that you don't repeat words too often, especially adjectives, but there was also a repetition of "ripped" that, in a story of this length, stands out.

When I first read this, I wasn't sure about his moment of recognition and, I suppose one could call it acceptance, of his friends' presence. Maybe it's just me, but there seems to be a twist of humour in that last line, like the monstrosity has become something he has to act out. What I wondered about was the suddenness of the turn, how quickly he moves from thirsting for their blood to playing with them. That's something you might want to take a closer look at, even still. I like the fact that he does play with them at the end, but it happens a little too quickly for it to suit the heavier darkness of the rest of the story.

I've never read a story like this, depicting this moment from Remus's point of view. It's a fantastic idea that works very well with the Every Word Counts challenge, allowing you to offer just enough of a snapshot to bring out the combination of horror and fun that's very important to this aspect of the Marauders' history. I'm becoming wordy, so I'll end by letting you know that this was a great read! It'll be great to see what kind of things you write next! :)

Author's Response: :O Thank you!

I just noticed that as well, thanks for pointing it out, I've just gone to fix it. :)

See, I was a bit like that when I wrote it, but I remember Remus saying that he was able to communicate well with them, and assuming this is their seventh year they would have had about about 35 (holidays, and other commitments etc.) full moons together, so by then I think it would have been easier for Wolf!Remus to recognise them. :)

Hopefully that clears it up for you!

Ahhh! Thank you so much for all your kind compliments, you're just wonderful! ♥


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 366
Submit Report: