|Review:||Violet Gryfindor says:|
Wow! If I hadn't already been hooked in by the first chapter, this one would do the trick. It's so good! Although there is a lot of dialogue, there is also a lot of movement and action that pushes the story forward, whisking the reader along with it. I had finished this chapter before I knew it, which is a great experience - everything flowed naturally, and I was able to visualize the scenes very clearly from your descriptions. You include just enough detail about the setting and characters to create that world around your readers. It's just another way how you make this an engrossing story.
Your characterization of both Lily and Albus is refreshing, and I especially enjoyed the complicated relationship that they share. It's a realistic portrayal of siblings, with its ups and downs, often in quick succession - they clearly care for one another, but they're just as much annoyed with everything the other does. I like this back-and-forth - it was also present between Lily and Scorpius, but in a slightly different way. There was a bitter edge to it, something deeper, darker. I'm fascinated by the intricate character interactions and relationships that you've set up within this story. It poses a challenge to the reader, and I love it when authors make me work to pick apart the clues and subtleties within a narrative.
It was also interesting to at last read Scorpius's letter, and after doing so, I'm amazed at how little of that actually emerged in the previous chapter. It says a lot about being a Malfoy and how much he's learned to hide his emotions, wearing a mask, even for Lily. Could it be why they drifted apart, how he wounded her so deeply? But in writing, his "real" voice appears - it's no wonder that Lily went to see him once she read it.
I love where this story is going, and I'm sorry to say that my reviews will probably be of no critical help to you. There was only one little thing I could find in this chapter - a "particular" instead of "particularly" after the page break. Otherwise, your writing is polished, the narrative flows very well, and the plot is progressing in a wonderfully complicated and suspenseful way. This is quickly becoming one of my favourite novels on the archive!
Author's Response: I may have just fallen out of my chair a little. Thank you so much for such an unexpectedly lovely review!
I worry a lot that I include too much dialogue -- maybe not as much in this story, but definitely in others. I'm glad that while there was a lot of back and forth, it didn't feel like the scene brought the story to a grinding halt. It's always such a balancing act to try and find that happy medium between taking the time to develop a scene and keeping the story moving forward.
I'm so glad you liked the dynamic between Lily and Albus. They both really do care for each other, but that doesn't mean they always get along. To me, sibling and family relationships can be just as much fun to write as romantic ones. And I'm so glad you saw the same thing with Lily and Scorpius, only darker. That's exactly what I wanted. Lily can be kind of argumentative, no matter who she's talking to, but there is definitely more than just annoyance when it comes to her and Scorpius.
Oh my, the letter! I love that you felt that was Scorpius's real voice. Throughout the story, the whole question of who the Malfoys are and what they are capable of doing comes up over and over again. I'm so glad that at least a hint of that came through here.
Thank you again for this wonderful review. I really am beyond flattered that you think it's coming along okay. I've been having some trouble getting back into the flow of it, but reading this definitely helps motivate me to keep plugging away at it. I hope you won't mind if I visit you review thread again sometime. Thank you again for both of your reviews!