Hplover987 here with your review! In the first part it was nice seeing Rose flustered and reading the obvious expectations expected of her. And learning about some of her past e.g. Scorpius and Xander. But I still don't know how old she is? It was just something I was wondering. Maybe you could add some bits in. Just a suggestion.
I really liked the first flashback, or whatever you want to call it. Perhaps seeing Rose more nervous would be nice, but I liked that she was shocked about being sorted into Ravenclaw and confused about what to do afterwards. And Scorpius's sorting made me think of Harry's. I don't know if you were going for that, but that's what I got. I did notice some grammar stuffs - like to instead of too, nothing major.
The next part was good, Rose with her bridemaids. Having the shock of Scorpius moving back deserved her reaction. Maybe one of her bridesmaid's could have reacted back though? And his job in Switzerland could have been phrased differently to make it more believable - e.g. "Everyone knows auror work has gone down there, especially after the peace agreement,". It's up to you though! Also you wrote "Can" when it should have been "Can't". Probably just a typing error. I really liked Rose being with her girls though! It felt believable and there was a closeness between them that you would expect between cousins.
and the last flashback was really good. You had the info first that clued you up. It's nice to see Rose not hating him first. And finding out about their personalities as well. The only think I'd say is twenty minutes is a long time. They've never kissed before and they're both sixteen at the oldest. Maybe tone it down a little? I'm just talking from personal experience. With them fancying one another for so long you don't want it to turn Hollywood cliche. I enjoyed it, but some people are picky.
I like how in this chapter you get to see both her present and past, and how she reached the present kind of. I hope you'll be keeping this up throughout the whole story. I really enjoyed it! Bare in mind my CC and please give me feedback!
Author's Response: Hi! Sorry I took a while to respond life came by :(
Ooh I didn't think about including her age, as I wrote all of the story in one go, I included it later on and didn't mention it at the beginning, I think I'll go back and add it in.
I'm glad that you liked the sorting, as I thought it was rather sweet myself, yes I was thinking about Harry's and all of the pressure on him, but then I thought I would add even more with him being a Ravenclaw.
I'm glad that you liked the bridesmaid scene, and I would include the reaction thing, but she's just with Dom at that point, so it might be alittle tricky, as the whole scene may have to be altered, it's a great idea though. Wah probably a typo I always seem to miss those, I'll go back and sort it out.
I'm glad that you liked her relationship with her cousins as I find it hard to write, and deciding how close they should be hard was hard as well.
Yes I've read so many storie where Rose hated him, so I thought I would change it, and make them friends, as I don't think love can blossom from hate. Yes now I think about it that kiss may have been a bit extreme, I'll probably go back and change it, and the thing about them liking one another, I'll try and change it a bit to make it less cliche.
Thank you for you review, I found it was really useful :)