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Review:hplover987 says:
Hplover here with your review!

I really like the fact that each part is broken into neat sections. Your style is really detailed which allows you to really see your surroundings. In the first part Narcissa doesn't seem cold which I like, because she can be a really interesting character. I also like that you had her not see Lucius for so many years, it keeps it interesting.

In the second section I noticed you continued italicising he and him. I like that but don't over do it when the characters get closer. Looking at the period this was set and how they were brought up it's nice to see them keeping up the pretense of being very proper despite their age. Your characterization was good.

In the third one it was a little shocking . . . in a good way. I would have like to see Naricissa more distressed. But I know she had to keep the face. I think it was written well but bare in mind to ensure the character - particularly the older ones - keep their dialog consistent e.g. her father saying "about three years" perhaps you could just replease certain words. Nothing major, don't worry.

The wedding was nicely written. If you wanted it to be longer I feel you could put more detail into the ceremony. But I think it would be too long and I know wedding can end up stupidly long chapters (mine were). Despite it being an arranged marriage you could see that they did love one another and that was put across well.

I loved the after birth of Draco. It was heart warming and lovely and just reading the pride Narcissa had. No CC to give you there!

In the fall of Voldemort it was interesting. Lucius seemed quite cold towards her. I still saw the love, but it was different. It added depth. I think that you might want to replase and with commars, just so it reads better. I'm used to reading stories about the OotP chatacters, so I really liked this part.

The last part was really nice. The shock they all shared and the fear that there would be concequences. I saw the love she had for her husband and son. And the look between Narcissa and Harry added something.

I really liked this, seeing all the key moments of her life. You could have added loads but I think you chose things well. Take my CC on board and please give me feedback too!

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for reading and reviewing!

I am glad you liked my writing style, and my first section.

I am happy you liked my characterisations in the second segment. I hadn't meant to italicise him there, so I'll correct that. Thanks for pointing it out.

I'll keep your comments in mind about the dialogue in the third section.

I didn't want to make the whole piece too long, and I merely wanted to touch upon every important moment, which is why the wedding scene wasn't that long either. If I wanted to focus on each segment more, I'd have written one moment for one chapter =)

I am pleased you liked the after-birth scene, thanks.

I'll see what I can do about the rephrasing in section VI. Thanks for your comments.

The last part was my favourite while writing, so its great you liked it.

As I said before, if I had wanted to add more things, I would have made this into a chaptered story rather than a one-shot. But I like to keep things short and simple.

Thank you for your thoughtful review anyway!


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