Hello, I'm here with your requested review! I remember you had some questions about this story on the forums, and am excited to read it. I'll break up my comments into sections; one per each scene. :3
I like the first scene, and the interactions between Narcissa and her mother. Isn't Lucius a year older than her? He seemed confident, like he knew his way around the train, so it seems very possible! But I'd be interested to hear more about her first impression of him, just because they're so young. Are they feeling uniquely romantic feelings for such a young age, or does she want to become his friend, or was she just merely noticing him? It's a little unclear how exactly she felt, other than she felt something, because she's blushing.
The second scene was great! I love the strained way in which they have to speak to one another. There's so much tension, but it's just the way they were raised. What a nice way for them to bond; clearly they both aren't too fond of these kinds of parties.
You handled the announcement of their engagement quite well. If she'd been excited, it would have been strange to read--what seventeen year-old wants to hear that their parents have selected a life partner for them? Even though she clearly has feelings for Lucius, I like that you made her neutral about the whole thing. She has some trepidations but isn't over-reacting with angst, either. Nicely done!
This line, from the next section, is beautiful: Lucius, looking handsome as ever, watched me with a rare smile, and that was when I realized that I loved this man. I blinked at this sudden comprehension.
Section VII makes me feel sorry for Narcissa. She cares so much about her family, and I think that's very accurate with canon. It's sad so see that Lucius has clearly become a different person, even in just the five years that Draco was born, yet he still sees the same since section I.
Wow, this line is really powerful: Numbness had washed over me and all I did was stare unfeelingly at the pathetic form that had tyrannized my family relentlessly. How much Narcissa has changed! I like the last section, because it shows strength in her. She seems like the kind of person to always stand by and worry about her son and her husband, but we know from Book Six and beyond that she isn't. You've captured that nicely in this last section.
Job well done!
Author's Response: Hi! Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing!
I am glad you liked the first scene over all, but I'll keep your CC in mind and see if I can talk more about her impression of him. I didn't want it to be incredibly long which is why I simply left the scene on her seeing him for the first time in years. And yes Lucius is an year older than her which is why he was already in his Slytherin robes.
I am glad you liked the second scene as I worked hard on trying to make it sound like two pureblood teenagers talking.
I am pleased that you liked the way I handled the announcement of their engagement. Thanks!
I am glad that you liked that line. I just wanted it to be a special moment where she realises she loves Lucius.
Yeah, you're very right in your thoughts regarding section VI. I did think that they would have changed a lot in so many years yet their feelings for the family would be the same.
I am glad you liked the last section too, and liked Narcissa's portrayal.
Thank you so much for all your wonderful comments!!