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Review:Elphaba and Boyfriends says:
Hi, Elphaba here with your requested review!

First of all, I really like the short, snappy one sentence paragraphs at the beginning:

"No, I'm not kidding.

Yes, I am sane.

For the most part."

I also like Ellie's voice as the narrator. I could easily imagine her speaking in my head as I read. Her commentary is fun, and enhances the story rather than bogging it down:

"'Hurry up! The candles will have melted all over the cake by now!' Thank God Chris has grown out of the melodrama."

During her great-gran's explanation of her gifts, I wondered about the purpose of her gift. How would she help the invisible ghosts? Do they either move on or become visible after she counsels them? I'm assuming this will be covered later in the story, but I could have used a little more information here.

There's one other place where I would actually like to see a few additional details: "'Oh my Merlin! His new book's out!' She picked up a book from the New Releases stand and waved it under my nose." I would actually like to know who 'he' is, the title of the book and maybe why Rose is so excited about it. These details would help to flesh out both Rose and the setting a bit more.

I like that you've bucked the trend of making Albus Potter the weird/creepy/loner kid at Hogwarts, and instead made him a bit more like James. I also like that Rose is a Ravenclaw instead of a Gryffindor, and Scorpius is welcome at the Potter house. I appreciate the absence of cliches. :)

I found two very nit-picky little grammatical things in this chapter:

"'Why does everyone keep on barging into my house like its there's?' I asked..." There's should be "theirs."

"How did you tell someone politely that you thought that they and their entire profession were complete and utter bogus?" Complete and utter should have the suffix "ly" added.

I think my favorite part of this chapter is the back and forth between Ellie and the Mystic. I love Ellie's dry humor:

"'Your future is... confusing...'

'There's a surprise.' I looked significantly over at Rose, but she was completely engrossed in what the crazy woman who had hold of my hand was saying.

'I see... trials...' No surprises there: it was NEWTs year."

So far, this story has my attention! :) Moving on to chapter two...

Author's Response: Hello! And thank you for reviewing!

I have a lot of trouble with beginnings, so I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Yes! You like Ellie! It's difficult I think to like a story when the narrator is uncompelling, especially when it's written in first person. So nice to hear that she reads well!

I didn't want to explain the entirety of her gift all in one chapter. It took her a while to figure things out, so I wanted the reader to go on a similar journey. But more shall be revealed!

Haha! I'll keep that in mind! I'm terrible at description, so it's wonderful to hear exactly where you want more info and what not. I'll try harder!

I think the cliches could become more intense a little later on, so it's really nice of you to say that the cliches aren't too prevalent just yet!

And the grammar issues - *hides face in shame*. I'm a ruthless grammar nazi and for me to use the wrong "there" is actually killing me inside! I shall have to fix them!

The fortune-telling scene was difficult to write, so yay that you enjoyed it!


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