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Review:FredWeasleyIsMyKing says:
Hello!

This is another great chapter to your story.

I love how sweet Rose is when she doesn't have a clue what to do, and she always has to go and tell Phoebe and Dom what has happened.

I again think that everything that's happening is good but would love more details on certain bits. Occaisionally you give us some great details and then others times you leave me wanting more.The kiss between Connor and Rosie for example. I think it's their first kiss and so you could have drawn it out loads more and given us more details. A kiss when your thinking about it can last forever, even if it is only a few seconds in actual fact. I also felt the ending to the party was slightly rushed. Would Rose have spoke to Dom and Pheob about the kiss? Did she dance more with Connor and did they kiss again maybe? Did they flirt more after their kiss? Like I said, what your writing is really good, I just think you could benefit more from adding in even more details.

There were a few typos I noticed too:

'I defiantly think I'm falling head over heals for him' I think you mean 'definitely' not 'defiantly' and 'heels' not 'heals'

'I had bought her a one shoulder, dress with lots of sparkly bits on it, in her favourite colour:' I don't think you need all the commas, they seem a bit unnecessary.

'it soundly like 'here comes the bride'.' I think you mean 'sounded'? I wondered if you meant to put 'sounded oddly' maybe?

'Just make sure your up and dresses' I think you mean 'dressed' and it should be 'you're' not 'your'

'it looked ok so I just used and anti-frizz charm' I think you mean an not and.

'I have to say we all pretty good' I think you need looked in there?

'and Sat at the kitchen table' Sat doesn't need a capital letter.

'he had gone to see his Auntie, uncle and cousins' I don't think Auntie needs a capital letter but if you want it then uncle should match.

I hope you don't think I'm being too negative, I do think you're writing a great story and this is a good chapter. Looking forward to reading more soon!

Lauren :)

Author's Response: Hi :)

Of course, who else is Rose going to tell, her father Lol. He'd probably have a fit :D

And thanks for pointing them out, only the first few chapters have been beta'd and I think I was in a rush to put this chapter up before the deadline of the challeneg I wrote it for. I'll make sure I go and change them! :)

Of course not and thank you! :D

-Potterfan310
Soph


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