Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:Arithmancy_Wiz says:
Hi, Cleo. Thanks for replying to my status update. I read the first chapter but wanted to make sure to review this one since it didn't have any yet.

This story is off to a very interesting and exciting start. It's obviously too early to tell what all is going on, but it definitely very intriguing. I like the idea of switching back and forth in time between chapters. It can be hard to pull off but for something with this much action, I have a feeling it will turn out to be a very effective style. And even before seeing your author's note, I could tell that's what you'd done between chapters one and two and thought it worked really well.

This chapter was super intense, though I loved the way it started out more slow and creepy before moving into the heart-thudding action. The idea of Albus's vacant eyes, it sent me straight back to that moment in GoF when Harry runs into Krum in the maze. And the abandoned church is such an eerie and sinister setting. And this terrible creature -- where did it come from? What does it want? How can it control people? And what can Malfoy do to help? So many questions! And having Albus re-awaken only to be killed a moment later was both terrible and unexpected. It would have been so much less cruel if he hadn't known what was happening -- but this was definitely more powerful.

You had some great lines throughout. I think one of my favorites was: As if welcoming back an old friend, the green ward burned up excitedly. I occasionally leave CC recommending authors scale back on the adverbs, but the use of 'excitedly' here was perfect. It absolutely helped personify the ward, making it all that more terrifying.

I really enjoyed reading your first two chapters. You are definitely off to a running start. There were a few typos here and there, but I'm sure you'll get those fixed once you send this off to your Beta. Otherwise, it was a great read. Thanks again for replying to my post.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review. I'm sorry for the late response.

Cleo


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 347
Submit Report: