Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:cranes113 says:
Interesting. Your 'story' was unique, especially in the sense that it was more of an essay analyzing the characters Lily and James than a series of events.
I liked that you used the writing tool of repetition, and that you have shown an aptitude for provoking emotion in readers. This is really one of your strong points; I think you should expand on this concept. You used repetition not only in your ideas (which conveyed Lily as having a dark yet thoughtful side to her, and James as far more cheerful) but also in you sentence structure. Also, I'd like to commend you on your lack of grammar mistakes. You used a plethora of thought-provoking words, and among them, I found very few grammatical mistakes.
If you don't mind a little constructive criticism, I'd like to make some suggestions. Repetition, which you used to great effect throughout your piece, should be used sparingly or with slight variations. If everything is exactly the same without fluctuation through the entire piece, it can become dry and nondescript. I would also like to point out that you've described Lily as a far darker character than most people would choose to accept. She might not have been the most welcoming of people, but she doesn't strike me as the type to be visiting cemeteries on a regular basis. Nor does she strike me as the type of Gryffindor to be frightened of Slytherins or her family. You might also consider varying your sentence structure--your primary subject for each sentence is also the subject of the paragraph. However,
Overall, it was nicely done. Very nice work.

Author's Response: Thanks for the amazing review! it is more of a character study I know.

Thanks for the CC, I just wanted to portray Lily differently than the perfect Gryffindor who is perfect and loves everyone (except james) but I see your point. Thank you for the amazing review!

- Jasmine


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 883
Submit Report: