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Review:Arithmancy_Wiz says:
Hi, peanuts. Thanks for replying to my status update.

First, congratulations on posting your first story! I remember how terrified I was the first time I posted something. And to do it with a challenge like this? That's extra brave. It's easy to ramble on and on, but to write something that's short AND meaningful is really a feat.

Overall, I thought you managed to pack a lot of punch into just a few hundred words. You dived right in and were really able to tap into the emotion right away. The idea itself was really well suited to the challenge. I think a lot of people can relate to going around in circles in a relationship, so you don't really need a ton of backstory to sympathize with the characters and really feel for what they are going through.

The writing itself was also very solid. I don't know if you've been writing for a long time and just not posting stories here, but this certainly didn't read like the work of a novice author. I really enjoyed your use of the short, stylized sentences throughout.

The only bit of CC I can think to offer is technical rather than content related. Just make sure to watch out for the formatting of your dialogue. For example, with the first sentence as written, it makes it seem like the SHE that is smiling is also the one who is speaking (also, it should be a period after night, not a comma since what follows isn't a dialogue tag). Usually when you group dialogue and action like that, the reader is meant to infer that the person doing the action is also the one speaking. Also, be careful with the semi-colons. They are usually used to link two complete sentences together, but in a few places, you have them linking sentence fragments, in which case a comma, dash or colon would be more appropriate.

Thanks again for replying to my post. This was a great read. I hope you plan on posting on the site again soon!

Author's Response: Thank you for picking this up. One of the things I get the most self-conscious about in my writing is the formatting bit and speech bit it's definitely something I'm working on.

This is such a heart-warming review so thank you, thank you for taking the time to write it!

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