Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:FredWeasleyIsMyKing says:
Hello hello!

Laurenzo7321 here with your requested review! Sorry it has taken a little while to get around too!

This was a really different kind of story and you really got me hooked. To start with you really built up the suspense and I could tell something bad was going to happen. They way she described her family was great and gave us a lot of information in not too many words. The line 'Bad things happened to those who talked about it.' was particularly chilling for me.

It was really sweet that as a child she really tried to be one of them and make them less afraid, even if she didn't succeed.

Her father is horrible! Torturing her when she's pregnant is just unbelieveable! I thought you described the effects of the cruicatus curse very well - which is not an easy thing to get right. I'm quite jealous - I'm having trouble with that at the moment!

Ooh, so James came in to save the day. Am I imagining things or does this Richard sound an awful lot like Harry? All your descriptions - green eyes, hair sticking up at all angles, glasses, short and scrawny. Yeah it just kept popping into my head. James has a bit of mystery around him too - going to not caring whether her father kills her to wanting to marry her. There's definitely has to be more going on!

A couple of typos I noticed:

'My introduction to magic had been quiet minimum as my father would prove today.' I think you mean quite not quiet?

'Teachers started yelling at me when I didn't homework' I think you need 'do homework'

This was a really strong start to your story though! Well done!

Lauren :)

Author's Response: Hey Lauren,

thank you for reviewing!

I fixed the typos you pointed out! didn't seem them before hand so thanks :D

im glad you liked James and even Emylina a bit =) we will find the mystery bout Richard later in the story!

thank you for reviewing!


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 906
Submit Report: