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Review:academica says:
Hi there! I'm here from Review Tag :)

So this is a very intriguing start to a story! I really like your description a lot, and the way you had us see everything through your main character's eyes. When she was confused or overwhelmed by pain, we were, too. We could follow her through every moment of her torture.

I feel really bad for her, given her situation. It seems reasonable that she trusted her father and then was betrayed by him; it makes her feel human. If I understood her correctly, she was treated this way by her father because she slept with her fiance one day before the wedding and found out she was pregnant, right? I gotta say, I don't know how she would know that she was pregnant that soon. I could potentially see her fiance using her and then leaving her, though, especially if he had been pressuring her for a while.

I noticed a couple of long sentences in here that I think could be broken up by commas, like this:

It was unbearable and I could feel my long legs buckle underneath me making me hit the floor.

^I think there should be a comma between "me" and "making," just to add in a necessary pause.

It'll be interesting to see how James turns out, especially once Emylina begins living as his wife. I would think it would take an extraordinarily compassionate person to take such pity on her, given that she is a stranger and expectant mother.

Nice start!

-Amanda

Author's Response: Hey Amanda!

Im glad you liked this!

Looking back, I saw the sentences you mentioned and fixed them =)

Well we all know about the Hero Complex of a Potter =)


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