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Review:Elphaba and Boyfriends says:
Hello, Elphaba here with your requested review!

So far your story is off to an intriguing start. I'm curious about the village, because it seems very isolated, like something out of a fairy tale. I wonder whether her family, especially her father, is responsible for this? He seems like a very evil man.

I noticed a few phrases here and there that I might edit. The first one is: "even if there eyes held malicious otherwise." I might replace "held" with "remained," because held has multiple meanings that make it a bit confusing. "There" should also be "their."

The next one is: "dating as back as to my great great great grandfather..." I would probably remove "as" from both places, because the sentence flows better without it.

Finally: "My introduction to magic had been quiet minimum..." I wonder if "quite minimal" would work better here than "quiet minimum"?

I like Emylina, she has a lot of spunk! :) Your physical description of her sticks out a bit from the rest of the story: I pictured something out of a shampoo commercial as she flips her hair, when in reality she might not look so glamorous after her ordeal. I might describe her earlier in the story, maybe say that the other villagers are unnerved by her uncanny emerald eyes, or that she tossed her dark curls toward the boys who teased her.

The end is a definite surprise, with James offering to marry her! I wonder what his motives are. Does he truly intend to marry her? Or did he just say he would in order to rescue her from her father? What will their relationship be like? They don't know each other at all, and she is hung up on this Richard character -- he sounds like a jerk!

I think this story has a lot of potential, and it will be interesting to see how it develops from here. :)

Author's Response: Hey!

Thank you for reviewing!

I fixed the sentences you mentioned and did edit in a bit more about Emylina's appearance so it would seem more believable!

yay! im glad you see potential!


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