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Review:Arithmancy_Wiz says:
Hello there. The link you left as a reply to my status didn't work so I hope you don't mind that I picked this story to review.

Wow, what a twist. Here I am, plugging along, thinking about all the cute and fluffy goodness that is James and Lily, and then bam! It's not James thinking all this at all. It's Remus. I didn't see that coming. I love stories that catch you by surprise and this one totally did for me.

That said, there was still a lot of loveliness here. You really made it clear how much Remus cares for Lily -- that he loves her just as much as James does. How bittersweet. And your descriptions themselves were really well done. I could practically see the light filtering in through the stained-glass windows. You did a great job of marrying (no pun intended!) the details and the emotion throughout.

I think my favorite part was actually when Sirius whispered in his ear. It was sweet when I thought it was James, but looking back, knowing he was talking to Remus, made it all kind of heartbreaking. Poor Remus, wanting deep down for his friend to understand what he's going through.

The only small bit of CC I can think to offer is to maybe scale back a bit on the abundant use of semi-colons. They are a pretty strong form of punctuation and can be a bit distracting when used so frequently. I think in some cases you might have better flow if you used sentence fragments mixed in just for more variety.

Other than that, this is a really great read. It packs a surprising amount of emotion for a relatively short piece.

Author's Response: Hello! First off, I'd like to apologize for the delay in responding to this review; RL has not been my friend recently. (And it's completely fine that you picked this story to review; the link was meant to go to my author's page anyway.) :)

Heh. It's great to hear that you liked the twist and that it was successful in surprising you!

Thank you so much - I was really worried about writing the Remus/Lily ship, as James/Lily is my OTP, so it's always pleasing to hear that I wrote Remus in a way that was believable. XD And it's great to hear that you liked the descriptions!

I absolutely agree with you - that is one of my favourites too, even though it was one of the hardest to write for me considering I always feel bad about breaking poor Remus' heart.

Ah, semi-colons. I'm working on reducing them and using more brevity in my sentences, and I plan to revisit this one-shot some time to re-edit. But thank you for pointing the issue out! :)

I'm glad to hear that you like this story! Thank you for reviewing!


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