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Review:MissMdsty says:
Hey there!

That was so sweet I'm almost sad it wasn't longer. It's such a sweet thing to see, teenage love, even though it's the one that hurts the most and leaves the deepest marks. As you get older... Meh... You get distracted by life to really make up the scenarios in your head that go with first loves.

Your writting has potential, I can see it here but what I'd like to see from you is more description. Try to set up the scene a bit for us. I realize Albus is a boy and won't notice clothes or make-up or anything like that, but maybe if you emphasized a bit on body language, we'd be able to pick up that she fancies him before he does and that would make this even sweeter.

I'm looking forward to reading more from you!

Ral

Author's Response: Hey Ral,
Thank you for reading and reviewing! It's very true, they're the best and the worst.

Yeah...I kind of developed a habit of using dialogue to build the suspense and plot. I'm guessing that kind of writing style is not favorable for most fluffy-puffy romance stuff ;).

Thanks for your helpful feedback,
soapman333

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