I'm here for your review that's kind of late because I suck like that and life sucks like that. Anyway, I enjoyed this first chapter so much I added the story to my favourites!
Moving onto the actual review part.
Five-year-old Ellie seemed a lot smarter than most five-year-olds. I mean, she understood what a specter was and everything, meanwhile, I can't get my brother to understand the concept of not talking to strangers. My point is, five-year-old Ellie wasn't that believable.
Am I nitpicking? Yep, I am but this is feedback after all.
I noticed throughout the story that you use one-liners a lot instead of actual paragraphs and I don't know if this bother's other people but this is like a pet peeve of mine. It annoys me when people do this because each one liner is relevant and can be put together to form a paragraph.
But it isn't and instead it's a one liner and I'm sitting here thinking "WHY!"
Is my humor not working? I don't think it is, let me know if it is though.
I loved the dialogue between the family, it was such easy and light banter that you can't help but smile at. It's the type of things you'd expect a really close family to say.
I don't know why but every time that Albus said 'Anderson' I kept picturing Anderson for Sherlock and it made me laugh. That's irrelevant to what I'm actually supposed to be doing right now but who cares!
You could definitely add more description to your story. While there was some description, it was mostly made up of dialogue than anything else.
Ellie reminds me of me, if you mention books, that's all I need to hear and I'll be going with you wherever. Which brings me to the point that your characters are all believable and relatable even if they are fictional and can do magic. I especially love the friendship between Rose and Ellie.
All in all, I really enjoyed this chapter and I look forward to the rest of this story. I hope I was helpful in some way and if I wasn't, I hope I amused you to some extent with this review!
-GREIS IS OUT! (that's pronounced Grace if you're wondering)
Author's Response: Hello! And life sucks far too much for anyone's convenience.
I agree. Five-year-old Ellie is a little unbelievable. She was just a little too chill with the whole thing, but I think that's my fault, because I kind of glossed over her whole reaction. If it helps, I do intend to show how much she struggled with her gift when she was younger a little later on! But thanks for pointing that out. Once you mentioned it, it does make sense.
*cringes* I do one-liners because I can't write paragraphs. Honestly, I've really, really tried, but I suck that them. Sometimes I write too many paragraphs, and other times my writing is just one entire block of paragraph. THERE IS NO MIDDLE GROUND AND I DON'T UNDERSTAND! But I know, it's annoying, and I completely understand where you're coming from. I hate reading huge chunks of writing, so I went for one-liners to compensate for my lack of mad paragraphing skillz.
Oh, how I love you for liking the dialogue and finding it natural. I can't do description to save my life, as you noticed, so I again, compensate for it through dialogue, which I fear can sound quite unnatural at times. But I AM trying to work on my description, so thank you for pointing that out!
It's nice to hear that you can relate to Ellie on some level. I'm a bit of a book-lover myself, so I couldn't resist!
Thank you so much for your helpful review!
PS: I was wondering how to pronounce it!